 
Page 19
The ramblings of an old git
bloggoth Mission Statement:
We aim to never raise our sights above the gutter and preferably to stay much lower
|
Not being arsed as a virtue
We at bloggoth are rarely that arsed about things unlike some. There was an interesting exhibition in Brittany about
Anne of Brittany;
she presumably had a real life but it was hijacked by those who insisted on seeing her as a great symbol. To some she was the
symbol of an independent Bretagne. To some the symbol of a united France.
It occurs to us that the reason people get so passionate about things to the point where they will kill others who do not agree
is because they insist on taking mundane realities (surely the really important thing about Anne was that she had a huge conk) and
blowing them up into symbols. The greatest symbol is a name. Vive La France! God bless America! For England, Harry and St George!
Maybe the way to end wars is to not allow anything to be named. That way nobody will get so het up about it.
Commenty boxy thing
Post comments here. Promises of money or ecstatic praise only please. Anything remotely critical will be removed.
If you do not agree with me you are clearly insane.
Coming shortly
Mentioning no names but some blogs like to post loads of boring pics and details about their holidays. Not we at bloggoth,
we have different ways of boring the pants off our non-existent readership. In any case, thanks
to those HORRIBLE FOREIGN PEOPLE we rarely have any pictures of anything that is not covered in scaffolding. Famous monuments,
cathedrals, castles, you name it, as soon as we at bloggoth head for somewhere, it is "Quick, quick, cover it in scaffolding"
Anyone who would like to see our latest photos of scaffolding can email me.
We felt like a good rant this morning, hence below, but more absolutely true and typically well researched historical
commentary on the dark world of European kitten torturing traditions coming soon.
Forget the fundamentalists, the problems of Islam are more fundamental
Just read a sensible point on an Islamic site regarding
the Prophet's consummation of marriage with nine year old A’ishah.
What people often miss is the absurdity of trying to assess an event of sixth century Arabia, as though it happened the
other day in downtown Manhattan or Birmingham.
Indeed, it is a point we have made before on bloggoth and entirely agree with, you can't retrospectively apply our laws and
standards to past centuries.
It is just that, when advanced by a Muslim, this sort of argument is rather bizarre given that this is the religion
that requires its adherents to live their lives according to interpretations of writings from those very same centuries.
Moderate Muslims would argue that those interpretations are crucial, that they do
not follow the Qur'an or the Hadiths exactly as they were laid down, rather that those writings are interpreted by the scholars to
be applicable to the modern day.
Even worse. Putting general moral principles in a modern context is fair enough, we can
recognise that the parable of the good Samaritan is not just for Samaritans, but Islam
goes far beyond providing general moral guidance, it governs in considerable detail how Muslims should conduct their lives
and their societies. Some of it is entirely their own business and has equivalents in other religions but some, such as their conduct
towards non-Muslims, their views on women or on punishment for crimes, affects us all.
We can respect Christianity because the teachings of the religion accords with what we are told of Christ's life. Although
many cruelties have been done in the name of Christianity, we can see from the new testament that these are clear deviations from
Christ's example.
By contrast, although the prophet may have been a wise man and far from the worst of his time, by any acceptable modern standards
he was a butcher. Quite how you "interpret" killing of non ransomed hostages or sex with a nine year old into behaviour acceptable
in modern society is beyond me. When Muslims revere a man who had captives killed because they offended him how do they
expect the rest of us to take their protestations of peace seriously? Most would have some difficulty seeing how you can both
revere somebody and believe his behaviour was unnaceptable, especially given so many recent incidents where supposed insults
have been seen by Muslims as justification for violence.
Perhaps the worst part of this constant deference by Muslims to the scholars is the power it hands to them. You only need
to look at sites like islamonline to see the sort of questions they ask. Isn't it a little worrying that some Muslims you
meet have felt the need to ask for advice before they interact with you socially or at work? On that and some other
mainstream sites you will get sensible and moderate answers
but you can be sure that is not always the case.
It is often stated that there is no problem with Islam provided ways are found to tackle the extremists. On the contrary,
the problems are absolutely implicit in the religion, both in the reverence for a 6th/7th century figure whose
practices and beliefs were absolutely out of step with the modern world and with the reliance on interpretation of writings by
scholars who can and do interpret them in any way that suits their agenda. We do not need to oppose radical Islam, we need to
oppose Islam, period.
Here we go again
This is starting to be hilarious. The same old excuses that radical Muslims come up with.
If reporters find several examples
of hate speeches in mosques in a few months of undercover operation they have ALL been quoted out of context. Apparently,
speeches about throwing homosexuals off mountains do not advocate that at all, it was just that the Channel 4 reporters happened
to miss the introductory bit that would have made it clear that that was just an example of the sort of
homophobic attitude that Muslims should now deplore.
And then there's the other old favourite,
it has all been misinterpreted.
Mr Usmani told The Times that Islam and Modernism was an English translation of his original Urdu book, “which at
times gives a connotation different from the original”.
These clerics write messages of peace and love which other Muslims who read them are instantly capable of understanding, it is
just that the rest of the world has not a single interpretor capable of rendering Arabic or Urdu accurately into another language.
We at bloggoth
Are in France this week.
WTF?
The extent to which our overpaid tax wasting authorities totally fail in their duties to protect the public is
exemplified yet again this week by news from Soho.
It seems Westminster is sending text messages to those in the area warning of the dangers of clip joints.
The message reads: "£5 to get in, £500 to get out. Criminals operate some of the hostess bars in Soho."
If these places are run by criminals why do the authorities not act to clear them out? Using intimidation
to force people to part with large sums for nothing is not legal. Neither can a tiny sign in a dimly lit room
stating you agree to pay large sums just for sitting down form any part of a legal contract. It is not good enough to say the
failure to prosecute is because embarrassed or intimidated visitors rarely complain to police. These days there is not a huge
stigma attached to going to a strip joint or worse, not by young unattached men anyway, how hard have the authorities tried?
If there are only three such joints what is the problem with sending in undercover officers to get the evidence?
Enormous amounts of our tax go to other bodies that supposedly have draconian laws to protect us, like the FSA. Where were
the f*ng FSA when us Equitable Life customers were being deceived by one lying assurance after another? Tell you what, the very next
statement from Barclays assuring us they have just a minor
technical problem and we are pulling our money out as every sane person should.
New award
This week the non-existent readers of bloggoth have the chance to vote for their favourite boring deceased persons.
I do not mean they were necessarily boring when they were alive, just that the press coverage since has bored the pants off us.
What? You want to see the results of the poll so far? You don't seriously think we at bloggoth could be arsed to make those
buttons actually work do you? Anyway, we have decided the results already, it's Diana and Stephen Lawrence.
This week
NICE little things have been mostly annoying xoggoth by...
Good for them
Every time there is some well publicised tragedy we get calls by victims and their relatives for a public enquiry
and we at bloggoth normally have little patience with those calling for it. That is not to say that the losses are not
great to those involved but surely the whole point of a public enquiry is to examine complex issues
and lead to rules and methods which may help to avoid similar tragedies in future. There is little purpose in expending
a great deal of public money if the failings are due to unavoidable human error or if the conclusions are obvious, for example,
that large ships operating in crowded waters need to keep an adequate look out.
In some cases however, the need for a public enquiry is quite evident and there are few cases where it is more patently evident
than in that of the July 2005 tube bombings. There are very major issues which need to be examined:-
- Did the action in Iraq increase the terrorist threat? Is it possible that the bombings would not have happened without the
invasion?
- Did the government fail in its duty to protect the public by its long standing lax attitude to Islamic extremism and its failure
to properly control our borders?
- Has the government (not just this one) failed in its duty to the British public by not monitoring the
quality of migrants admitted, in particular by failing to require a committment to British laws and values?
Of course we all know why this government does not want a public enquiry on this issue although it is exactly the sort of issue
for which public enquiries were conceived. We wish the victims every success in their
legal action.
Statues
Mandela is certainly a great man but even so, after seeing
the unveiling of Mandela's statue are we alone in thinking
"Hang on, surely this most British of British places should be for Britons?"
Aaaah! But what British politician since Churchill
has deserved such a place? Actually, TBH, what major British politician since has not been held in contempt and loathing by the
sane section of the British public? Have there been any that most of us would not rather have seen clubbed to death with enormous
acid-dipped CLUBBY things? Perhaps we just like Mandela and Tutu because we are not South African and only see the positive
bits of their image that leak through to our own papers. Maybe South Africans HATE them as much as sane people in this country
loath {Lying Scottish C* ... Brownstuff} or dislike that dipsticky beardy Archbishop of Canterbury, old wassiname.
Maybe, unless we adopt the chamber of horrors approach we suggested before, the era of
putting up statues of politicians in public places is over. So who can we erect statues of? No great military leaders anymore, they are
all dry civil servants. Scientists? The populace is too stupid and uneducated to understand science. What is left but
dimwitted footballers, drug addicted pop stars and uncouth Big Brother winners? Anything but that!
We at bloggoth have a better suggestion.
Best endevours
There was a short item on the news last night about preparations for the paralympics. Technically it might be said that
the concept is flawed - given the huge range of disabilities, how is it possible to have any really meaningful contest?
Nevetheless, and we say this without the sarcasm and SNEERING at our horrible fellow man that dominates most of bloggoth, anything
that encourages the disabled to make the most of themselves has to be an excellent thing.
But why should this great principle, that we should all be encouraged to do the very best we can, be limited to the
severely disabled? It is surely up to the authorities to try and raise our nation by encouraging us all to overcome our
limitations. We at bloggoth have therefore written to Lord Sebastian Coe suggesting a number of new events, to be
collectively termed the Crapolympics, which should raise the spirits of normal people everywhere and give us a new pride
about our place in the world.
- The extremely fat person's high hurdles. Hurdles may be up to 6 inches high and heart attacks will not necessarily disqualify
a contestant.
- The Heavy Boned Who Can't Swim Sorts' One Hundred Metres Dash.
The one whose corpse first breaks the surface buoyed by decomposition gases is deemed the winner.
- The Smirnoff drinker's marathon. We at bloggoth will be competing in this one and we firmly expect to better our previous
distance of 15.5 meters in 4m 54s before collapsing in an alcoholic coma.
Commenty boxy thing
Post comments here. Promises of money or ecstatic praise only please. Anything remotely critical will be removed.
If you do not agree with me you are clearly insane.
Gratuitous porn slot - Mr Potato Head goes curb crawling
Smoking cure
News that the government is to try and discourage smoking by having
graphic images on cigarette packets.
It will never work! Why don't they use the obvious solution to deter people? It's obvious because the idea has been
in joke shops for decades, exploding cigarettes! But instead of a little pop that makes you jump, have one in a hundred that
will blow your lips off and one in a thousand that will blow your head off. Then people might stop!
"I applaud this government initiative" says Miss L Jones, who took part
in the pilot scheme in Swansea, "Since I had my lips blown off I am down to a packet a day"
I too think this was a marvellous idea by the government says Mr
J Maitland of Coventry. I have to admit that the first time my head was blown off, after just three weeks I was back to 40 a day,
but when it got blown off a second time I really learned my lesson. Now I just have the odd one or two after meals.
Mumbling Powder
We at bloggoth have just finished reading Marching Powder by Rusty Young. It's the true story of a young black British man
imprisoned in a notorious Bolivian jail for smuggling cocaine. Good read but one of the things that strikes you particularly
is that the "hero" is a regular cocaine user who does not fall apart and is capable of cutting out the habit when he needs to.
In a fictionalised account of a true story (Thomas McFadden is not his real name) maybe there are inventions but why
would that part be invented? Some experts have made a similar comment with regard to heroin as I
mentioned a while back.
Maybe the life of this young man is relevant, ok he is scum, a drug dealer, but if you look at it in a more detached way,
here is somebody capable of conducting a successful business in several countries, of meeting and dealing with business
contacts and of devising novel ways to avoid detection and arrest. This is someone who is alive, resourceful, good at communicating
and quite bright. In a legitimate business, the sort who might well make something of himself and perhaps a man it may be
worthwhile trying to bring back on track.
If only that was true of the majority of addicts.
The BBC news had an item on tackling prostitution in Norfolk last night and had interviews with some of the girls. They
could scarcely string a comprehensible sentence together, the usual mumbling incoherent dimwits you always encounter in programs
about addicts and they don't improve when they get off the drugs. There is little chance of them kicking the habit themselves
because they have no other life, no willpower, no ambition, no skills and limited intelligence. Ok, so give them counselling to get
them off the streets, then what? In post industrial Britain when we don't have millions of menial jobs in cotton factories
and jobs in supermarkets require adequate skills in engaging with the public, what, apart from selling their bodies,
are they likely to be any good at?
In programs on crime on our sink estates you see the same vaccuous human beings and think "who on earth is going to employ that?"
We spend billions year after year trying to end exclusion, "poverty" and deprivation. Most admirable but is it money wasted?
Perhaps by continually rowing against Mr Darwin's tide, by subsidising "rights" to live and breed at the expense of the rest
of us, we are simply making matters worse.
Good in principle
Not a thing one should support because of the probability that it will be done to the wrong people, vigilantes are hardly likely
to be always precise in identification and in determining guilt, but, if you COULD be
sure that was never going the case, how many of us would not quietly approve of
a bit of vigilante action when the authorities totally fail in their duty to protect the public?
Good game
I am sure Mr Snail's Tales is getting sillier, the link must be a source of silliness infection. Anyway he has found
a good game.
I got a bit bored and gave up by 'likes' but came up with:
- [xoggoth] needs a woman.
- [xoggoth] Needs Sensitivity Training.
- [xoggoth] Needs To Grow a Spine
- [xoggoth] is about two kilometres wide and comprised mostly of ice and rock
- [xoggoth] is dead
- [xoggoth] definitely likes to hump
- [xoggoth] likes to knit and Kill deer
Commenty boxy thing
Post comments here. Promises of money or ecstatic praise only please. Anything remotely critical will be removed.
If you do not agree with me you are clearly insane.
Shootings
Everyone has their pet theories about the reasons for the large numbers of murders by youths recently.
Poor parenting, absentee fathers, bad education, liberalism, immigration, decline of religion, poverty, lack of responsibility
encouraged by the welfare state, violent videos and computer games, exclusion, easy access to alcohol and drugs, political
correctness, peer pressure to join gangs, a soft criminal justice system, lack of role models, gangster rap music,
yaddah, yaddah, yaddah.
What would the Blessed Perry say?
Perhaps that we should not get bogged down in the details but try to find a basic model
of humanity. So what if individuals differ? If you look at the liquid flow on the bubble plates of a distillation column you will
never see exactly the same pattern twice but it does not mean that mathematically you cannot arrive at a reliable prediction of
column performance. Unflattering though it may be to our egos, we are one of 60 million and we are all statistics.
The Blessed Perry would have started by looking for the major influence on human behaviour. Other humans. That influence
takes many forms. Qualitatively there is little difference, we do what we do to fit in with other humans, because we see other
humans do it or because they tell us it what we should do.
Only quantitatively is there is a difference,
who influences us and what degree of influence does each have? In strong families or traditional societies
we may look to our parents or authority figures like priests. In broken families or fragmented societies perhaps the video
game or rap song or gang looms larger. Whatever the circumstances of our own lives, peer pressure can never be discounted.
Perhaps the blessed Perry would have said that many of the above are right, the error too many make is in concentrating on the
one cause and discounting the others, failing to see that essentially they are all one and the same. To put it at its simplest
the aim must be to restore and reinforce all sound influences and remove or diminish the power of all the bad influences.
It may be very sound to address issues of bad parenting or absent fathers for example but we can scarcely solve those
problems quickly so we also need to introduce other adult input and address the issues of violent video games or rap music
because those may be the major influences for those with bad parents or no fathers. We cannot absolve liberalism or political
correctness because those have played a part in removing the teaching of responsible attitudes, or welfare or a soft justice system
because those have played a part in removing the enforcement of them.
The Blessed Perry would have suggested we should act on many of the suggested causes because they are all aspects of
the same cause.
bloggoth project meeting at xoggoth.org
Present:
- xoggoth: CEO
- We at bloggoth: Comprising bloggoth, editor, bloggoth, chief reporter, bloggoth, artist,
photographer and roving reporter and bloggoth, cub reporter, office boy and tea maker.
xoggoth: I have called you all here today following my inspection of bloggoth this morning and frankly I am not happy.
Look at the pitiful number of hits and comments - hardly surprising as bloggoth is such a mismash, bit of ranting
here, odd bit of crudity there, while most of it is just drivel.
We at bloggoth: But we like drivelling, it is what we do best.
xoggoth: But nobody is going to read it! You need some consistency, look at the coven, people who hate the government
flock to read Burning Your Money or the Devil's Kitchen, loads of people who oppose Islam read Islamanazi. Nobody is going to read
your comments on the government or Islam because it's all buried away in acres of nonsensical posts whittering about wasps or praising
some obscure chemical engineer that nobody else has heard of.
But we like wasps and admire the Blessed Perry and it's depressing moaning about things you can do bugger all about.
You can only say the government is crap and Islam sucks so many times, we can't be bothered to spend ages researching those
subjects for something new to say like those coven members do. You don't PAY us for this job you know!
Well, you won't be doing it much longer if things don't improve, starting real soon, like by the next item. We understand
you have a new camera and have taken some decent pictures of wildlife. There's a market in that if you do it PROPERLY, a lot
of people are interested in wildlife. Look at that Mr Snail's Tales, he gets comments because he takes a proper serious
scientific approach and that's what I want from you people. I will be here watching.
Black slug
We at bloggoth have acquired a new camera. We did not pay for it obviously, somebody...
xoggoth: GET ON WITH IT!
Thanks to the recent cool wet weather, as
reported recently
in the press there has been a marked increase in the number of slugs in
the UK and many specimens have grown unusually large. Here we see a good sized specimen of the Great Black Slug which, contrary
to what the name suggests, may be either black or orange. The one we see here is a particularly bright shade of orange.
The inset shows the size compared to a cigarette. We are not really sure of the brand, it was number 1 son's, some frog
thing his mother brought back from Normandy I think when...
xoggoth: Stick to the bloody point! You won't steal Mr Snail's Tale's readers if you don't STICK TO THE BLOODY POINT!
They want to hear scientific facts about the slug not your family's tedious holidays!
The great black slug, Arion ater is the largest variety of slug in the UK, one of, erm,
xoggoth: Scientific name in italics, nice touch, but keep going, you've got them hooked.
One of erm over thirty species of slug in the UK and er, erm..
xoggoth: For Chrissake! if you are going to do a science piece surely you can do a bit of background reading before
you start, come on, the readers want more than that!
Erm, this slug's name was Sidney.
xoggoth: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!
And we took this picture of a NICE little waspy eating jam, her name was Winnifred.
Changing language
In the recent attic tidy up, as well as all the porn mags, I found various things
the kids had when they were little. Including this stamp album, I think they were about eight at the time.
If they turn out to be bent I will sue Stanley Gibbons.
Tomorrow the world
We at bloggoth have had a revelation and are determined to spread the teachings of the
Blessed Perry to the world.
The religious should savour their superstitions while they can
because very soon the army of the Blessed Perry will begin its crusade against the unbelievers. Burning at stakes, beheading and stoning
to death are old hat and very much associated with the nonsense of "the book", so look forward to rational punishments befitting
the cause of rational technology. Transgress our laws and you will find yourself ground up in vertical spindle mills and sprayed
into cement kilns in order to save 15Kcal/kg cement/kg heretic, inserted into fractionating columns to raise the BP ratio by
up to 5.31'C/kg blasphemer and enhance the separation of low molecular weight compounds or used as catalyst in the production of
2 3 Dimethyl Benzoate at a total cost saving of up to 25 cents/tonne.
We have been investigating the sacred life of the Blessed Perry and find that
he had a son Robert H Perry who followed in his footsteps and edited the Chemical Engineering Handbook from 1963.
Indeed, it is vouchsafed to us that there is a trinity of Perrys as we see
here in the title of the holy text
"Methanol: Bridge to a Renewable Energy Future (Hardcover) by John H. Perry (Author), Christiana P. Perry (Author)".
We have been able to find very little else out about the Blessed Perry, however that is not a problem as, like Jews, Christians
and Muslims, we will simply make the rest up and pretend that some pile of old guff written umpteen years afterwards to aid
some power struggle is the authentic work of contemporaneous acolytes and written with his authority. We will also be claiming
that we are guided by John H from beyond the grave and that the teachings we pass on to you must be true revelations because
we are infallible.
Disgraceful (titter)
It is ok to have long standing traditions that ridicule the pope
and Catholicism and nobody, Catholics included, seems too bothered. Neither do we hear complaints about Catholicophobia and
indeed none is created. But naturally
nobody is allowed
to make fun of Muslims no matter how lightheartedly. Maybe there might be a bit more respect for Islam if
wasn't such an intolerant load of blitheringly irrational miserable killjoy bollox!
Who is Valintino Guxxi?
Even though we all hate spam, I am sure I am not the only one completely puzzled by much of it. It doesn't offer viagra
or invite you to send money to the widow of a Nigerian minister or contain a virus attachment or invite you to enter your bank
details on a dodgy website. The message is just gibberish or there is no message at all. A recent one sent via my
mail form just said "Your site is great, regards Valintino Guxxi" A quick google shows that Mr Guxxi has informed the entire
world their site is great. But why? Mr Guxxi shows up as 205.188.242.10 alias infoginimp-wd03.websys.aol.com which Google also
shows in the logs of every hit tracker throughout the universe.
Typical lefty comment, oh hang on though
Naturally us nasty righty sorts all hate Ken Loach. We had little sympathy with that useless Cathie in "Cathie Come Home",
we disliked his comments on British brutality in Northern Ireland (even though we know that brutality was a reality, he wasn't supposed
to mention it) and now he is bemoaning the fate of those poor exploited immigrants!
Interesting comment therefore
by Ken Loach on this item. He ain't wrong. If you want to find the real villains don't blame the ordinary migrants who are only
doing what most of us would do in similar circumstances and don't blame the lefties and whittering politically correct as their
daft views are mere irritations, they have no more control over our society than the rest of us.
The drivers of uncontrolled immigration and globalisation are those at the top of our societies, the businessmen lining their own
nests and the establishment figures pursuing their grand visions that take no account of reality or human nature. For them there is
only benefit because they never have to live with the consequences of what they do, they don't have to compete for scarce jobs with
limited skills or live in areas that have been transformed into outposts of foreign countries or find that housing costs are being
pushed out of their reach. As Loach says, it is unlikely that what is happening is really in the long term interests of
those other countries either, regardless of the pious justifications peddled. They need to be developing their own economies based
on profitable industries, not locked into supplying dirt cheap labour, foodstuffs and raw materials to the West. Another issue perhaps
but for environmental reasons it makes little sense to carry on flying basic foodstuffs around the world, we all need to move to
greater self sufficiency in basic commodities where possible.
To any extremely nasty righty sorts, don't take it out on that black or Polish guy, find yourself a rich businessman,
top civil servant or politician and bash them instead.
Keep on bashing until there are none of the bastards left and maybe the rest of us can start making
a world we feel happy with.
Decent people
Paid £1800 in vets fees to treat their pet chicken's leg
and left the TV on so it wouldn't be depressed.
Should this sort of thing be voluntary? Not in our view. Everyone should be compelled to spend at least a quarter of their
income or £5000 a year, whichever is the greater, on the welfare of NICE little animals, if this means selling their children to
white slavers, so be it. Families who cannot find £5k a year for such a good cause are all criminals anyway.
HOORAY!!! HOORAY!!!
And a
Portuguese-man-of war
HOORAY!!!
Now there are
More slugs
What a plan
That Malaria parasite is groovy actually, it has several different forms.
If you are a scientific sort you can see the details here.
In bloggoth-style summary they vary from little eggy things to paramecium type things to the fantastic little octupussy thing
seen here. That is so sweet! Any mosquito should be proud to carry that in its little tummy.
Note that we have substituted his proper name in the picture. How would you like it if all the pictures in your family album
has captions like "Male Homo Sapiens and female Homo Sapiens with some juvenile Homo Sapiens, Holiday Dorset 2004" on them.
It is because we treat NICE little things as if they had no feelings that cause us to be so nasty to them. It makes it easy
for farmers to go out and shoot squirrels just because they have taken a few sick lambs that would have died anyway. It never occurs
to these bastards that loss of the lambs is entirely their fault for failing to provide proper maternity units for their sheep with
teams of dedicated midwives and decent emergency treatment facilities.
But we digress. That ability to change form depending on environment is great, we at bloggoth would love to be able to take
on different forms to suit all purposes.
xoggoth in his normal godlike form
We assume the mantle of grunty xoggoth when dealing with the taxman or Mr PIKEY SCUM
Randy xoggoth. In this guise we transform into Catherine Zeta Jones and then divide
for a bit of hot lesbian on lesbian action with ourselves before merging again.
NICE little things arrive
05/08/2003 Coming
13/06/04 Coming
HERE
They should not be biting people of course, that is very naughty and they need a severe talking to, but all those
diseases they carry are not even the poor little mosquito's fault!!! From this
recent item:
“What many people don’t realise is that mosquitoes are not born carrying malaria,” Curtis says. “The insects get malaria
parasites – called plasmodium – only if they bite an infected person.”
There you are, why blame NICE little things when it is horrible people, and HORRIBLE FOREIGN people at that
who infect them in the first place? We should immediately start a two prong program to tackle this problem:
- Providing food aid to help NICE little insects throughout the world. They must clearly be near to starvation
if they have to resort to biting HORRIBLE FOREIGN people.
- Spraying oil over all the sorts of places where HORRIBLE FOREIGN people breed, that would soon stop the transmission of
the great majority of diseases!
Slaughter in accord with the teachings of the Blessed Perry
Being a rabid humanity hater and unbalanced fan of NICE little animals (except cats) which have cute little noses and
paws and things we at bloggoth thoroughly disapprove of the exemptions made for Jews and Muslims with regard to ritual
slaughter, so yesterday we had a look at what the MCB says on this issue.
It is a very large PowerPoint thing that our non-existent readers will not bother to download anyway, but the gist of
it is that halal methods are actually more humane, with claims that a very sharp knife produces little pain and that the animal
"goes out on a high" while stun methods have drawbacks in practice.
Not being an expert on animal slaughtering we cannot say they are wrong, simply because something is believed for a
religous reason does not mean it is factually incorrect. However, as we have said before,
a belief that accords with reality is not necessarily a rational belief.
One is right to be suspicious of such claims because the belief has come first and the
arguments have been mustered to support it. This is not the way round it should be and the
Blessed Perry would never have done it like that.
Maybe it is rather more convincing that the government scientists who would have no obvious bias have come to a different conclusion.
Perhaps we should treat Islamic and Jewish claims on this issue with the same scepticism that we would treat the claims of a
scientist who had an unbalanced adherence to his pet theory long before he produced the "proof".
We should look at the claims of humane ritual slaughter as they should be looked
at, impartially, and if they prove to be totally false, we should remove this exemption. There should be no problems in a society
based on individual freedom with allowing those religious practices that have no great impact on others but animal welfare is not
purely a matter of individual freedom. On major issues like animal welfare, infant circumcision and the freedom of a woman
to choose her own partner, UK society has moved towards a civilised position. It is for migrants who voluntarily come to our
society to adapt to it, it should not adapt to them.
Under instruction
We at bloggoth have a drawer in the garage at xoggoth Towers where we chuck the instruction leaflets and booklets for everything
we buy. This is a most useful practice because:
- One never knows when one might go down to breakfast and discover one has forgotten how to operate the electric kettle or
the toaster.
- Instructions often come in several languages and may be very useful in breaking down national barriers. On seeing a Chinese
man walking past one's house for example, one should rush out and make him feel at home by reading him the instructions for assembling
the gas barbeque in Cantonese. See note below.
- When you really need the instructions for operating something complicated like a DVD recorder it is a certainty that
you will have lost them. However, you will have the consolation of some brief moments of hope when your instruction
drawer yields at least five booklets for very similar looking video cassette recorders with similarly meaningless
model numbers from the same manufacturer dating back to 1989. Curiously, when you owned those recorders you could not find the
instructions for them either.
- If you cannot find the right instructions, those for other appliances that operate on a similar principle may
be useful. For example, the basic operation of a toaster is similar to that of a DVD player except you put bread in the slot
instead of a DVD and the recording time is shorter.
Note: Before bashing the
slitty-eyed so and so in the chops for his part in exterminating that NICE little dophin.
Disappointment
Comments on colleagues. Another great find by a CUKer.
Sucking clinic
Few little things ever bite or sting xoggoth because he is nice to them. Had a few waspies buzzing around my face this week
but I know this is not with any evil intent, they are telling me, "Isn't it time we had some JAM xoggoth?" Jam time will come very
soon waspies, I have been collecting the jars in the shed.
There is a big fuss about the
increasing numbers of NICE little mosquitos.
There have always been millions in the woods round here due to pits from
old iron workings which have filled up to produce
dark and smelly stagnant pools which are perfect for NICE little mosquitoes to breed in. When I go running in the woods in late
summer or early autumn they are everywhere.
However, I never get bitten because a mosquito has a top flying speed of about 2 miles per hour. Run or even walk briskly
and they CAN'T bite you. Only horrible fat people ever get bitten because they waddle along too slowly.
Applying a bit of science, surely mosquitos
could be the solution to another problem in the news recently, that of the epidemic of
high blood pressure. If you puncture
something and suck a bit out then surely it must relieve the pressure slightly? basic physics that. Maybe we at bloggoth should
open a clinic where lots of horrible ugly fat people can come and be sucked back to health by millions of mosquitos. Maybe we
could use genetic modification to produce especially enormous ones. Wonder what I could charge?
PS The giant mosquitos will be bred without wings so they do not escape. The lack of any in the cartoon is
NOT because I forgot to draw them. shit shit shit shit shit
I say
Surely they've noticed? Must warn them. Tony, Gordon, look out, there's a train coming!!
Oh dear
Says it all about some* lefties
Pretty old news but I missed this. Guide to being a parasite
By {Lying Scottish C* ... Brownstuff}.
Actually, some of that sounds just like something we might have written but in that case it would have been humour.
Naturally GB would have meant every word as it is a well known fact that lefties have no sense of humour. He is also ugly
and looks like Oscar Wilde, we can certainly believe all those alleged things that people allegedly allege about him.
*Yes of course we really meant ALL, we were trying to be moderate and fair minded. That's enough of that, shoot them
ALL we say!!!!
Worlds daftest laws
here. Going from the comments
and what I have seen of these laws before, suspect many are not soundly based. Masturbation punishable by death in
Indonesia? I went there once and practically the first Indonesian I met showed me his porn stash.
I especially liked "fact" that it is legal in the uk for a pregnant woman to relieve herself anywhere she likes.
Think that law needs to be more widely known as pregnant ladies and female bodily functions are our very favorite things.
The prospect would certainly brighten up the day when the missus drags us round Tescos.
Myth or reality
It has been stated
that the EU treaty will oblige the UK to
surrender its seat on the UN council.
Not so, says the foreign office, that is one of what it calls
the ten myths about the EU treaty.
They could be right on that one for the moment, until such time as EU is a state anyway.
Some of the others may prove to be lies
rather sooner. My suggestion to all. Take a copy of that "myths" document. Then, when some of these myths effectively turn into reality
you will have proof when they tell you that it was a myth that they ever said otherwise.
Good grief
Isn't this move by the West Mercia constabulary
reported on PC Bloggs's site
among the most insane bits of official policy ever?
Commenty boxy thing
Post comments here. Promises of money or ecstatic praise only please. Anything remotely critical will be removed.
Pointless passes
We see that the
number of pupils gaining A levels
has risen again with more acheiving A grades.
Who cares why? It's an irrelevant question. The first question to ask is "what are A levels mainly for?" The answer surely
is that they provide employers and universities with a means of assessing the quality of candidates/applicants. If there are
APPARENTLY far more with the necessary qualities than there are available jobs/places and if the employers/universities then
have to rely mainly on their own assessment procedures to make the real choice, then you may as well use those A level certificates
to wrap fish and chips.
Exams easier or pupils brighter and better educated? Again, who cares? The essential point is that the exams are too easy to
serve their intended purposes.
bloggoth Big Brother Live
9.47 We are scratching our neck
bloggoth Big Brother Live
9.17 Picked up our biro
bloggoth Big Brother Live
9.16 Dropped our biro
bloggoth Big Brother Live
8.55 Put the bin out
bloggoth Big Brother goes live
Beats us why anyone would want to watch the day to day doings of HORRIBLE COMMON people in Big Brother but each to his own
I suppose. I can see how watching HORRIBLE COMMON people having a blazing racist row with HORRIBLE FOREIGN people might be
mildly more entertaining although they would need to be issued with Kalashnikovs before it would be interesting enough for us
at bloggoth to watch. Jade Pigface and snotty Sheepy Shitty having a nude wrestling match would be ok too.
But it gets even worse apparently. I was slurping my shredded wheat at about 7am the other morning and tuned in briefly
to Big Brother live. If I wanted to watch a bit of morning bed action it wouldn't be five minutes of a still duvet with a bit of
hair sticking out. A bit later some lumpy ugly thing that could have been male or female was cooking or cleaning its teeth or
something, hard to tell.
Still, if that is what people want to watch, seems a good plan to bring readers to bloggoth so we are announcing the start of
bloggoth Big Brother Live. As we spend another thrilling day at bloggoth, sitting staring at the wall, we will be logging on now and
then to bring you the highlights as they happen.
Good and evil
In the news today, a
toddler has been stabbed to death, apparently
by its mother. Notice the comment on this news:
What is the world coming to? l am sure someone has reasons why a 2 year old child was stabbed to death. You have to be evil to justify evil. But what do expect in a world where drugs, alcohol, pornography, homosexuality, prostitution, animal cruelty, child sex,group sex, cyber sex, abortion, abduction, divorce, premarital sex, extra marital sex, same sex so-call marriage, so-call blended family are all accepted as part of a choice and being normal. When will we wake up and see that all these abnormal desires are not just unhealthy but also extremely dangerous and leads to homocide, suicide, and destruction of the body, soul and spirit.
Ah yes! Depressed mothers killing their children never happened in the developed world before Elvis started the rot did it?
It clearly can hardly ever happen in third world countries like Brazil, Jamaica, Nigeria, Pakistan or Bangladesh today because they have a
very high proportion of religious belief and these things she mentions are disapproved of and often illegal. We all know that is utter nonsense, so why do we keep hearing this sort of diatribe from the unthinking religious?
That is not to say the lady is altogether wrong, one does not need to be religious to recognise the major
problems caused by alcohol and drugs and society's casual promiscuity is doubtless a factor in the number of lone and often unsuitable
parents, it's just that the perception of evil completely confuses the issue. Links are drawn where there is no rational reason
to suppose one exists because in her mind they are all "evil" It beats me how gay marriage has anything to so with this case
and prostitution is not so much a cause as a consequence. A bit more abortion might well be one of the solutions.
We need to concentrate on the important points - what changes to our laws, welfare rules and education do we need to disseminate,
to force if necessary, a greater sense of responsibility in parenting? When society has to pick up the bill, should there even be a
"right" to have children at all? What sentence is necessary to stop this woman and others like her from being a danger to others?
Is it a temporary depression unlikely to be repeated or is she a danger that society must be protected from by any available
means? Is a severe sentence necessary to deter others or is it likely that few in the mental state to kill their children and themselves
will be thinking about what happens on conviction?
I don't know the answers but am quite certain that calling this mother evil and spreading more irrational religious dogma
in our society will do absolutely nothing to reduce the incidence of such cases.
PS
Not a British national in any case so the state of our society has nothing to do with it.
And the blessed John H. Perry Ph.D.
So who is John H Perry? He was the editor of Chemical Engineers' Handbook in 1950. No, I am not old enough
to have been studying Chemical Engineering in 1950, I acquired it in the early 1970s when the library at the place I worked
at had a clear out of old books and we could help ourselves. Here is the inner cover.
So what? What do you mean, so what? Would you say so what if I was a devout Christian talking about my bible or a Muslim
and talking about the Koran? Show some respect. This is the nearest we at bloggoth have to a sacred text.
Let me quote you some of the wisdom in this holy book from the chapter on the drying of solids:
Steam consumption for a vertical turbodryer will be about 1.7 to 3.0 lb steam/lb water removed. Power cost will be about
50 per cent of the power cost for a tray dryer having the same tray area.
Tunnel dryers should operate with high air volumes to ensure uniform distribution and to compensate for any by-passing around the sides,
bottom and top of the trucks.
Notice the clear indication that the amounts are based wholly on practical experience, it is not 2.503 lb steam/lb water because
some prophet had a vision.
Tunnel dryers should operate with high air volumes for a stated practical reason and not because tunnel dryers operate in mysterious
ways or because it is their will to do so and mere mortals must obey it.
Nobody will stand in pulpits and fulminate that society is on a downward path because some are wickedly refusing to use the same tray areas
and neither does the text state you will burn in hell fire if you choose to operate at low air volumes.
The blessed Perry does not pay the running costs of your
tunnel dryer and if you ignore his guidelines, as you are quite free to do without him calling for your prosecution
for immorality, it is your factory that will pick up the extra bill.
This is the lesson the blessed Perry taught us. Society should be run according to the same principles that apply
to operating a distillation column, on pragmatism, reality, observation and a sound grasp of cause and effect.
There is no useful purpose in the public application of religion or morality and in most cases they are millstones around our necks.
Cor! Wow! Look at that! Absolutely fuck all!
Great night for meteors last night, clear sky, no moon.
Started looking as soon as getting dark. 10 pm - nowt but bit light probably. 11pm, oh yeh, look
there's one. 0.2s of faint streak. Nowt for several minutes, neck getting stiff, went back in. 11.35 quite decent one, then nowt for etc.
Got up at 1.45, looked for 5 minutes. Absolutely bugger all!
I just checked the BBC's advice again in case we got it wrong. A "spectacular display"
Visible betweem 9pm and 3am. Coming from Eastern hemisphere.
Best view straight up. Was it April 1st yesterday? Are we under a different sky to everyone else in the UK?
Next time we get the chance of a lifetime to see an astronomical event don't bother waking us up at bloggoth.
This Sunday we at bloggoth will be mostly
Making trips to the recycling centre as we are under orders from the missus to clear out the attic.
We did take them to the Oxfam shop originally but were asked to leave. Ludicrous, given a population growth that is outstripping
food supply and the problem of HIV/AIDS you would think a few tea chests full of jaz mags to send to Africa would be
welcomed with open arms. What a shame that nobody else in the world has xoggoth's clear thinking on world problems.
Good lord, a sensible Tory idea
Tories aim to end forced marriage.
Commenty boxy thing
Post comments here. Promises of money or ecstatic praise only please. Anything remotely critical will be removed.
Olympics
Those without the superior priorities of we at bloggoth may not loath the horrible Chinese as much as we do for
exterminating that NICE little dolphin but it is in the interests of all in Britain to hope that
the Peking* Olympics go badly because then the London Olympics won't look quite so dismal in comparison.
Let's face it, the London Olympics will be a total disaster because Britain, whenever our government and
overpaid officialdom is involved anyway, is totally incapable of doing anything properly.
Even if it is not cancelled due to an escape of bubonic plague or smallpox from a government lab, nothing will be finished.
It will be tens of billions over budget and years behind
schedule. With a bit of luck the facilities will be finished by the next time we have a shot at the Olympics in about 60 years time.
Unfortunately, the evidence shows the Chinese are well on target to have everything ready so, short of them invading Taiwan,
the only hope we have is
all that smog. We call upon all patriotic Britons to get over there, light bonfires and smoke lots and lots of fags.
*We do not care what they choose to call it now, what would a bunch of dolphin murderers know?
We at bloggoth have borrowed the great Threaded's time machine and popped
ahead to 2012 just before the great event starts to report on progress.
Athletes making use of the superb training facilities
The olympic village showing some of the luxury accomodation provided for
athletes and officials. Several of these have an electricity supply.
Security has of course been a major concern and the Home Office
has pulled out all the stops, bringing in foreign expertise when necessary. At left we see some of the extra security officials
hired to ensure the safety of the Israeli contingent. At right, their team manager explains in an interview with
bloggoth how seriously his men take their role.
The track facilities are second to none. Here we see officials making
a final check of readiness just before the first hurdles event.
The superb olympic pool. It is typical of the efficient organisation
that contractors have already been appointed at a cost of only £5000 a day to remove any ducks.
I say, I say, I say, my dog
Has got two noses. He won't have a very fulfilling
life though, unless.. Anyone got a dog with two arses?
Title for this one, er, um, I know! BASTARDS!!!
Private payments for public pensions.
As the Liberal Democrat work and pensions spokesman, Danny Alexander MP, pointed out this week:
for every £1 that private-sector workers set aside for their own pensions, they pay another 91p in tax to towards
somebody else's in the public sector.
The reason for this is that there is an inter-galactic gap between the pension promises made here on Planet Earth to
teachers, nurses, civil servants, etc and the funds that have been put by for payments. Money-out way exceeds money-in.
You could go to the moon and back and still not find a pot of cash that is earmarked to meet fully our pension obligations
to all state workers.
PS The missus just retired from teaching but that's different! SHE deserves it.
A better use
Little sleep last night and RATTY. Partly the bloody hard bed that hotels have and partly a FECKING church bell
that chimed every quarter of an hour throughout the night. Don't stay in the centre of Market Harborough without ear plugs.
BASTARDS! It is high time we got shot of the superstition of religion and we should start by shutting every damn church,
mosque and temple in the UK and replacing them with something useful, like clubs, casinos, massage parlours or brothels.
MORE BASTARDS
The Chinese! Not content with taking half a bottle of ground up endangered species bones in endangered species bile every
time they get a headache, now they have gone and
eradicated a NICE little dolphin. BASTARDS! BASTARDS! BASTARDS!
Left:Nice Little River Dolphin.
Right:Typical horrible Chinese person
Silly award
Long time since we had one but this is silly.
And the rest of the site is brill too. No, I was not googling for "big balls" how dare you?
British PM controlled by alien creature in glass eye shock
In an unreported incident during the PM's visit to the UN recently, a US reporter momentarily evaded security
and took a snap through the door of the PM's suite hoping to catch him in an unguarded moment. In fact, the PM was in the
bathroom and security officials swiftly bundled the man the man away before he emerged.
All the reporter had for his trouble was a picture of a luxury hotel suite, or so he thought until he examined the
picture more closely. The PM had left his glass eye on the desk and an enlargement has revealed the terrible
truth! There is an alien creature inside the PM's glass eye! Experts on extra-terrestrial creatures suggest it is controlling
the PM via telepathy. This is the worst incident of its type since John Major was revealed to be one of the undead.
There has been no official response from Number 10 as yet.
Top: The PM's New York suite with the eye on the desk at bottom left.
Lower: What the enlargement has shown
Heard it before
Eight-million-year-old bug from ice in Antarctica is alive and growing. Nothing to worry about, we are told.
What? Sounds familiar to me. Run! run! The Thing is coming!
A little sanity
Found on Rastaman's blog.
SIOE Stop the Islamisation of Europe. An organisation with no other agenda
but opposition to Islam and with the sense to know that such opposition needs no pointless insults to make its case.
The facts are plain in some 50 plus Islamic states for all to see.
Islam is not just a religion but a political movement in which the fundamental basis, that modern life should be governed
in considerable detail by reference to supposed holy texts written more than a thousand years ago, has no compatibility with
the concepts of democracy, rational government or individual freedom. It is a creed which does not return the tolerance
its adherents demand from others, with non-Muslims suffering some and often many restrictions on their lives in most Muslim
countries. The existence of so many such countries and the fact that Islamic states are
almost everywhere becoming more rather than less fundamentalist shows that moderate Muslims are no protection against
the extremes of an Islamic state whenever Muslims gain a majority.
As with any other political creed, individuals have a right to oppose it without being silenced by accusations of
a racist motive. Is anyone organising opposition to religions of other non-whites like Sihkism, Hinduism or Rastifarianism?
Of course not, this has nothing to do with race or colour but with the wholly unacceptable beliefs and practices of Islam
and the militant nature of the religion that seeks to spread it throughout the world.
Of course it will
Chávez seeks changes allowing indefinite rule.
Mr Chávez said the expected change - which must be agreed by parliament and approved by voters in a referendum -
would enhance democracy.
Are people really so stupid? Probably.
xoggoth reaches the pearly gates
Did you love god?
Nah, never even believed in you, load of old bollox really.
Did you love your fellow man as yourself?
Not really. I quite liked a few of the more shaggable ones, especially the ladies with big arses,
but as for the rest, most of them were common or foreign.
Did you rescue little flies from windows and put jam out for waspies?
Indeed I did, I devoted my life to these causes.
Pass into the kingdom of heaven, you in whom I am well pleased.
Enormous loss to the world
When we at bloggoth woke up this morning we had an idea for a blog item. It was an article of immense depth, wit and wisdom
that would have secured our place as the world's leading intellectual. Unfortunately, we forgot what it was.
Update: We have remembered what it was now. We were going to moan about our bald spot.
PS. One is at least 4 inches taller after four Smirnoffs.
PPs. Only 15153600000 Smirnoffs and we could reach the moon. Some time next week then.
Scientists warn of global swarming
Northern Europe is covered by swarms of Wasps and it is feared this outbreak may spread to the rest of the world.
As is usual with all outbreaks of everything known to man, this is believed to have originated in England.
A government spokesman refused to comment on the speculation that a government laboratory may be to blame. "We think it
much more likely that some idiot has encouraged them by feeding them jam" he said.
HOORAY!!!
OK, we must point out that he is not at all silly like we are, he is a serious scientist sort of chap who is very
well informed on his natural history and his pictures are much better than mine but Mr Snails Tales
has PICTURES OF WASPIES!!!!
It will be serious waspy season soon, when we at bloggoth can put little bottle tops and saucers full of jam all over
the garden and see how many NICE LITTLE WASPIES we can attract. We love WASPY season we do.
Immigration is changing rural England life
From the Telegraph.
Britain's face is changing. More than half of all babies born in London last year were the children of foreign-born mothers.
Across England and Wales, the figure was approaching a quarter.
The biggest winners, apart from the migrants themselves, are the farmers and hoteliers who employ them at minimum-wage rates. The losers are the British craftsmen and cleaners, farm labourers and semi-skilled workers whose wages have been forced down as they compete in the labour market.
The most remarkable impact of recent migration is shown in birth statistics, calculated by the Office for National Statistics and revealed today. These show that out of 669,000 babies born last year in England and Wales, 147,000, or 22 per cent, were the children of
foreign-born mothers. A further six per cent had British-born mothers but foreign-born fathers.
The Government Actuary predicts that by 2031, Britain's population will have risen from 60 million to 67 million, with most of the growth due to net immigration. The increase is the equivalent of six new cities the size of Birmingham. Yet many believe that even this is an underestimate.
Overall, immigration increases the size of Britain's total economy, but its impact on what really matters - gross domestic product per head, or average wealth - is very small. Andrew Green, of MigrationWatch, claims that the positive effect is equivalent to 4p a week, or a Mars bar every three months.
It would be nice to rely on some sane and moderate policies from the established main parties but given the onslaught on their way and
quality of life and with nobody in the main parties who will listen to their justified concerns, people in the UK have every right
to react by voting for ANY party that will listen to them on this issue. Good luck to them.
Commenty boxy thing
Post comments here. Money or ecstatic praise only please. Anything remotely critical will be removed.
After comments in the previous comment boxy thing we are adding another rule!! No comments that are much funnier than
my original posts. The person in question is quite insane you know. We demand that nobody speaks to him.
Doodles
Coven member "They Will Devour Us" has been posting doodles
done at work. Interesting. Good game too. Here is one of many we did when bored at last contract.
Not just a doodle but a bit of free gay porn for anyone who is interested.
Oh FFS!
We at bloggoth really hate it when beautiful places are ruined by unnecessary development to cater for the plebs.
One climbs Snowdon to see the splendour of the scenery not to have the view ruined by a f*cking
cafe.
The whole benefit of these remote places is to get away from slow wheelchairs and doddering old twats and mums with bawling kids
in pushchairs and ugly fat people. There are plenty of nice laybies next to main roads with Little Chefs and toilets
where they can spend their Sunday mornings, they can even sit and have their little picnics in the car parks next to their
cars if they like.
This is the second time I have mentioned this sort of atrocity on bloggoth,
way back in bloggoth 1 I railed at the way that the once special Heights Of
Abraham in Matlock Spa had been utterly ruined. Like
the Heights, Snowdon has special romantic associations as I took my second major girlfriend there very early on.
Oh, we don't need two sleeping bags, mine's quite big. Actually, I did not get my wicked way on that occasion as water started
pouring into our little cavy bit under the rock*.
Still, it was special. Keep HORRIBLE COMMON PEOPLE off Snowdon!
*We at bloggoth know how to give a woman a good time.
PS we blame these problems on an obsession with "accessibility". If we ran the country we would reverse all these policies
and, for example, have puzzles on the doors of public facilities such as toilets so that only intelligent people could use them.
Beauty spots would have high walls around with very narrow gates to keep fat people out.
Repetition and patches
We at bloggoth might have a slight tendency to Tourettes, we do not actually wander around Tescos shouting "arse flakes"
but certainly have a tendency to mutter similar things like "pee up my nose" around the house for no very obvious reason.
Most of all we get
little phrases lodged in our head and once there it is the devil not to add/insert/append them to every conversation or
simply to sprinkle liberally on their own to fill any silences. "I didn't get where I am today" with or without any following
qualification got stuck in there way back after the Reggie Perrin programs in the 80s. We did manage to kick the habit but now it
has crept back. We also have a tendency to constantly sing it to the theme tune of Bonanza.
The only thing that really gets rid of a phrase is to supplant it with another, in similar fashion to replacing heroine with
methadone. Previously we kicked the habit by means of appending "the bear" to most nouns and proper names (after the fashion of
Biffo and Rupert). Unfortunately, that took over our life in its turn
so we are looking for something adequate that is not in itself too addictive. We thought sticking "More's the pity" at the end
of every sentence where it appears entirely inappropriate might work as we do not like it all that much.
A benefit is that if you stick
"More's the pity" on the end of common phrases like "It's a nice day today" it creates a Bergman-like impression of gloomy depth.
We at bloggoth do wish to be seen as deep, it is our consuming obsession. When we spend a typical day just sitting and
staring at the wall most of our thoughts are occupied with how we can appear to be deep.
PS
Many suffer the same problems with stock words and phrases, theirs just appear more relevant. "At the end of the day",
"basically", "know what I mean?", "like". Managers and politicians are the worst, "hard working families",
"the bottom line" etc. Why can't we get patches for phrase addiction?
In fact why can't there be patches for every human
defect? Unfortunately, all politicians would need to be as fat as John Prescott to accomodate all the excessive egotism patches.
The Tory leader shows off his new patch
Things we do not say
A long time ago it seems, when we started this bloggoth, we vowed to give little or
nothing away. This is not an openy hearty sort of blog and we are not going to mention THAT or THAT either and certainly
not THAT. We did mention THAT once but we think we got away with it and since nobody reads this blog it will never
get found. We didn't like it much anyway, it was just an experiment, ok?
Ms O (ok, we will permit it, she IS a soppy woman after all) is feeling
spiritual this week. We had a spiritual side once but think we dropped it somewhere in Marks and Spencer's menswear department
when shopping for a new sports jacket. We do NOT believe in either god or fairies and as far as we are concerned they are pretty
much the same thing. Spiritual should not be confused with emotional which is an entirely different thing but we are not mentioning
that either.
We did have a dream the other night that we lost our leg and had to find thirty replacements, one for each
position that a leg needs to take while walking. It was not obvious in the dream where we got them from.
There you are, we may not show it much but we are really deep.
Thursday rant (but we couldn't be arsed to upload it at the time)
Very, very, very, very occasionally our non-existent readers might notice we have a bit of a rant about immigration. This
is partly because we hate HORRIBLE FOREIGN PEOPLE but mostly because we do not swallow this benefit line, bosses who want
cheap labour maybe, the rest of us never see it. However, one of the pros of being a psychopath is that, actually, you do not really
hate anyone all that much, so all it needs to change my mind is a few convincing demonstrations of all this benefit.
This week it would have been really nice to spend some time in the garden but the noise from the quarry at the back has
been really loud. Why are they using these massive diggers at enormous cost? If migrant labour is so cheap, surely a
few thousand of them should be toiling away digging the clay with mattocks and their bare hands for a pittance of 3p per day
instead. Then I could relax in my garden, with nothing more than the occasional shot to bring down an escapee to disturb my peace.
If migrant labour is so cheap, how come it's going to cost me £10k upwards in labour charges for fitting a new kitchen if I run
out of excuses with the missus? Surely I should be able to pick up all the bits from Exclusive Kitchens (has she gone? actually,
I meant Homebase) and then pay a couple of Poles a few hundred to fit it, perhaps throw in two weeks' free accomodation in my
garden shed.
And HOW COME, when 80% of all prossies are now foreigners, the services on the last but one page of Friday Ad are even more
bleeding expensive than they were five years ago? (According to a friend anyway). How come I can't get an hour's good time
for my raddled old body, plus complimentary golden shower, for fifteen quid?
Words, words, words, where is the evidence?
Time to ditch the Ghurkas?
If we at bloggoth had any readers this would be a most unpopular suggestion since few issues attract more sentimental
drivelling. Dozens of people who know even less about them than we do would immediately go into rapid response auto sentimental
drivel mode and start posting all those stock phrases they have heard,
they are marvellous, courageous little chaps, fierce little warriors, immensely loyal etc. etc. who all fought and died for our country.
Yes, but they also used to be marvellous, courageous, fierce, loyal and very cheap even though they were paid a wage that made them
quite wealthy in Nepal. If they are paid the
same wages and pensions as UK soldiers and get an
automatic right of residence with entitlement
to health care and other benefits, what exactly is the point of continuing to use a foreign mercenary force in preference to
a regiment of UK citizens?
Commenty boxy thing
Post comments here. Money or ecstatic praise only please. Anything remotely critical will be removed.
Ooooooh how shallow!
Serious subject terror, but one thing is certain, whatever most politicians say on the subject will be a pile of
fatuous claptrap so WHY NOT
concentrate on the minister's cleavage? Seems as good a use of a few column inches as any. We at bloggoth are most
pleased to find that the US press
has the same sensible
priorities when it comes to Hilary Clinton.
Even in our male dominated sexist world this sort of comment is not only made about women, I recall a piece of journalism
from shortly after John Major was ousted that stated he lacked authority because his trousers "flapped emptily". Good enough
to do the job with Edwina apparently, but nevertheless, and this is not a well known fact, John Major lost the election because
his cock was smaller than Tony Blair's. During the war (no I wasn't there, how dare you?) the troops would ridicule the Nazis
by disparaging their testicular equipment.
Forget all this stuff about who has the best policies on education, crime, immigration, Europe, taxation etc. We are all rational
adults here and we all know damn well that, regardless of the fine words used, whoever next gets into power will go blithely on
ignoring the wishes of the electorate, feathering their own nests, inflicting their idiotic unworkable visions on us and
taxing us to the hilt to pay for them. Let's get a grasp of what really matters here! Which party leader has the biggest KNOB?
Which female minister has the nicest (for her age that is) pair of NORKS?
It is a great shame that neither party has a minister with a name that rhymes with no balls.
Nostalgia
In the good old days of the mid 60s before all the breathaliser and MOT and seat belt stuff,
I used to be able to tank up on rough cider and take off the wrong way down a one way street in my old van with a rear full
of inebriated mates and a modest lack of fancy optional extras, like working brakes, confident in the knowledge that if I was
stopped I only had to be able to stand on one leg and walk in a straight line.
Joy! They're
bringing the walk back.
Still slummin'
Continuing our tour of the tabloid websites. Actually The Mirror is not as bad as we had thought, it has some real news,
even if it bears no real resemblance to that in the posher papers, and some sensible commentary. Including this item on the Blithering Drivelling (phony Tory leader) Camoron.
Piss off
There have been objections by Muslims on a
proposed pet food factory
because the food may contain a significant proportion of pork and some traces will be contained in the emissions.
Another Muslim family added: "A Muslim is obliged to be clean spiritually, mentally and physically.
"Abstention from eating flesh of swine is one of the obligations a Muslim must observe to attain purity of the soul and
of the human nature.
"Therefore, we believe that not only will we be contaminated but also our faith by the owners of this proposed pet food plant.
"In this country we are allowed the right to follow our religion and religious beliefs. By allowing this plan to go ahead our religious rights are being swept to one side for what appears to be economic greed.
What an arse about face way of looking at it. This is a secular country in which we have never had any absurd obsessions about pigs
and we were producing pet food long before significant numbers of Muslims came heh2>
Coven member "They Will Devour Us" has been posting doodles
done at work. Interesting. Good game too. Here is one of many we did when bored at last contract.
Not jny of our practices would offend their religious beliefs?
They had the option of putting their faith first and staying in an Islamic country but they came anyway for economic reasons.
Economic greed can come before faith apparently when the greed is theirs.
If they are so offended I can suggest one very effective remedy.
Yeh, right
{Lying Scottish C* ... Brownstuff} is in the US and has
spoken in praise of Bush's policies.
"The world owes a debt to the United States for its leadership in the fight against
international terrorism" Yeh, right. We at bloggoth have little doubt about the threat from Islamists
but does anyone honestly still believe that the idiotic blunder of Iraq has helped in the "War on Terror"? Even
American Intelligence apparently believes not.
Yeh, yeh, I know, old news, Iraq bad move, Bush fucking idiot, it has all been done to death. What is new is that we now
have a new PM, supposedly one more sceptical on some aspects of the utterly one-sided transatlantic relationship, and he is
repeating the same old bollocks. He will then get back here and, by means of leaks and continuing licence to some of his ministers, seek
to create the opposite impression among the British electorate, that Britain has an independent foreigh policy based on British
interests and some semblance of rationality. After all, we may have an election within a year and there are marginal seats
full of Muslims where the main opposition is a Liberal Democrat party that has maintained a consistent opposition to this
idiotic war.
In any actions against the war on terror that really matter, like securing our borders and stopping the flow of
radicals and money to finance them, he will do nothing useful at all, just as Bush has done nothing to protect the US.
We will say it again, {Lying Scottish C* ... Brownstuff} is a lying Scottish cunt. You thought spin was dead? Don't be
fooled. This is the same old Blair spin with the added danger that the lack of charisma makes it seem more honest and believable.
As is often the case in these times when the other two main parties are led by liars and drivelling phonies,
the only sense has come from the Liberal Democrat leader.
Menzies Campbell said three main issues should be discussed at the meeting.
"Renegotiation of the one-sided extradition treaty, the closure of the Guantanamo Bay detention centre and a negotiated withdrawal of British forces from Iraq," he said.
"These should be the objectives of a candid friend. The excessively subordinated relationship between the President and Mr Blair should be put to bed."
Great white teeth
We thought we would look at the tabloid websites today just to show we are a man of the people and to check what
the UK's scummier classes are up to.
Does The Sun website actually have ANY real news ever?
Nearest one can find, since it is in most papers, is the sighting of a NICE little Great White Shark in UK waters.
Most convincing.
Obvious
I am fed up with reading about this
damn cat that predicts death in a nursing home. Look at the evil creeping little bastard!
We at bloggoth like animals much more than crappy people, EXCEPT CATS. Cats are horrible little shites who should all
be exterminated, especially those hideous CUTE KITTENS.
It is obvious what is happening here. This cat is killing these old people by sucking out their souls and beaming them
telepathically to other cats around the world. All cats do it, it is just that this cat is giving the game away because of
some defect that shortens the range of its soul stealing ability. That is why cats have nine lives, they steal them from
human beings.
Lay off Desmond
EU Referendum, one of the three coven members who, to be honest,
we hardly ever bother to read, lays into the council of elders. We agree mostly, what a fatuous concept and some of the elders
we would not trust to sort out the proverbial whelk stall let alone the world. Jimmy Carter? Kofi Annan? Utter failures in presidency
and director generalship respectively. It is amazing how some who were absolutely bloody useless when they had power and influence
come to see themselves as wise elder statesman when they lose it. Grocer Heath was another one. Maybe when somebody leaves power we
should have a referendum, if the majority agree they stunk they should get shot to save us all from the tedium of listening to
them pontificating.
However, we do hope he is not including Archbishop Desmond Tutu in the general condemnation. We are not prone to enthusiasm
about our fellow man at bloggoth but this is one man we have always felt enthusiastic about, right from his opposition to the
violent extremes of some in the ANC and his courageous intervention in necklacings. He has never yet disappointed, more
recently wading in to condemn African inaction on Zimbabwe and commenting that the row about gay clergy was a fuss about nothing
in a world where there are far more important issues.
Above all, we remember some charitable fund raising a long time ago where he popped up in a song every now and then
and went "ooooh". The man is not only sensible and humane, he is also VERY SILLY. Do they come any better?
Copyright xoggoth
