 
Page 12
The ramblings of an old git
Bloggoth Mission Statement:
We aim to never raise our sights above the gutter and preferably to stay much lower
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This week's romantic spot
George was a man of his word
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SLUG
The circle of life
Ah! A nature program!
Oh look! Little fish! What a nice little fish, look how its scales shine in the light.
Oh no! A horrible great penguin is chasing it, leave it alone you horrible pointy-beaked thing.
Ha! He missed it. Oh no! you bastard penguin! That was a nice little fish that was!
Oh look! penguin chicks! Aren't they NICE? Ah! Here come their mothers out of the sea with lots of fish.
Oh no! that horrible great fur seal is after it. Go on penguin, quick, quick up the beach. Oh no! That foul
seal has got it by the neck and is swinging it round. It's killed it! What will the chick do now? BASTARD!!!!
Oh look! Fur seals swimming. Aren't they NICE? Oh no! here comes a bloody great Great White Shark and it's
after the poor little fur seals! Quick! Oh too late! You horrible stinking shark! You BASTARD!
Oh well. Here are some Whales. They're nice peaceful herbivores, don't kill anything. Eat three tonnes a
day of Krill apparently, that's ok, just sort of marine grass isn't it? Oh what??? Little shrimpy things, how can
they kill all those NICE little shrimpy things?? BASTARDS! BASTARDS!
Oh look! now those horrid little fish are chasing the poor little shrimpy things! Leave them alone, what have
they ever done to you? BASTARDS!
Now there's a lot of big fish after all those NICE little fish, who never harmed anything, leave them
alone. leave them alone! Bastards. BASTARDS!!
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What I would have said about MP's claims for a 66% pay rise if I could be arsed
The Devil's Kitchen at
his sweariest best. He has said it all and I am honoured to second his wise words on the subject.
MPs/Civil Servants:
News round up
Trident submarine stolen from outside Chinese takeaway
A Trident Nuclear Submarine has been stolen from a mooring on the Clyde. It is understood that
the submarine's captain and crew had left the huge craft moored unnattended for almost twenty minutes
when they stopped off to get a Chinese takeaway and some fags. The captain, who is now facing a court martial,
has admitted that he may have left the keys in the ignition. He has also admitted that there
is a possibility that he might have left the book containing the nuclear missile launch codes open in the officer's mess
along with a pile of jaz mags.
Police suspect that the submarine may have been taken by joy riders and have appealed to the public to be
on the look out for any 150 metre long vessels being driven erratically in rivers or canals in their vicinity.
It is only a month since the destroyer HMS Daring, one of Britains's most modern naval crafts, was stolen
from a Portsmouth mooring when the crew just nipped off for some fish and chips. It was later found burnt out
in a disused dock near Wapping. Police have still not apprehended the culprits.
2,500 dollars, the price for nuking Bejing
Meanwhile, news of an even greater threat to world security has emerged in America with revelations
that those in charge of the US's strategic missile bases in Arizona and elsewhere have been playing Nuclear Roulette.
A colonel has revealed that it got so dull sitting around 500 feet down in a nuclear bunker waiting for
code red that he or others would often key in most of the digits of the launch codes necessary to launch
nuclear missiles and then take it in turns to bet on the remaining digits. "One time I won $1500 dollars when
the dice came within a single digit of nuking Bejing" he told us, "Damn it, if I had got that last 8, I would have been
$4000 up"
Asked about the supposed safeguards, including authorisation from the president, he told us "Do us a favour,
who would leave the fate of the world in charge of that moron? The Pentagon passed the authorisation codes
to a General in Kentucky the day Bush got elected and that was the guy I was betting against. All Bush
has in his book of authorisation codes is an encrypted recipe for Pecan Pie*"
Woman found not to be contaminated with Polonium 210
CID and government scientists are today investigating a terraced house in Wapping after a woman
was found there who did not have a trace of Polonium 210 contamination. Forensic scientists have
searched the entire house and most of the garden and not found a trace there either. A spokesman
said it was a most unusual case and it was too early to speculate on how this house had managed to remain
uncontaminated or the health implications for the lady in question.
Soft lights, sweet music - coming soon to a public toilet near you
Bloggoth has learned today that the ramifications of the Lambert and Cole vs Portsmouth council
case are still having a major impact on councils almost 6 months after the two men won
in the European Court Of Human Rights.
In a landmark ruling the court held that the rights of the two men had been violated when a Portsmouth
park keeper reported their sexual activities in a local public convenience, a well known cottaging venue,
to the police. In the wake of the ruling, police were obliged to state that no more prosecutions would occur
pending repeal of the relevant legislation. Due to equal opportunities legislation this clearly had to apply to
heterosexual couples as well although the significance of that was not appreciated at the time.
Then in August of this year a hereosexual couple, Lambert and Baker** sued Portsmouth council for failing
to provide adequate facilities for young heterosexual couples. While it was true that such couples were free
to have sex in public toilets, lawyers for the couple argued that the councils had failed to make proper provision
for young women. While men were happy to have sex in smelly toilets, women required more congenial and romantic
surroundings.
On advice of lawyers that the case was unwinnable, Portsmouth council have now caved in and,
in a move likely to be followed by councils across the country, have started to provide fur covered toilet seats,
champagne, soft lights, perfumed candles and taped music in all of the city's public conveniences.
Notes.
*One of those utterly disgusting things, along with Pumpkin Pie, Blueberry Pie and
"Mom's homemade apple pie" that only Americans eat.
**Yes, it's the same Lambert, he swings both ways apparently.
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Islamic Bookshops to stock Christian books. Not!
I cannot find it in the online paper but an article in The Times today reports that SPCK Bookshops,
Britain's oldest chain of Christian bookshops, is to remove the 'inimical' Koran from its shelves.
This has been denounced by the Muslim Council Of Britain who feel that people should "understand what makes
Muslims tick"
Maybe promoting a little understanding is no bad thing but if so it should be promoted by both sides.
Where are the Islamic bookshops selling the Bible or the Torah or the Vedas or the significant texts of any other faith?
I did have a search on the internet and could find nothing but reports
of hate-peddling Islamic bookshops. Ah yes! naturally, in the current climate of "Islamophobia" the press is
bound to concentrate on those isn't it?, but still, all those moderate Islamic bookshops promoting tolerance
and understanding of other religions that sell the Bible etc. can't have gone away can they?
Now, it may be that some major Islamic bookshops are selling the Bible or other non-Islamic texts in the UK.
If anyone among my zero readers knows of one I would be delighted to correct my uncharitable opinion and mention it
here in bold for absolutely nobody to read. Until then, I am afraid there is no other conclusion but the one
that almost everything about this religion leads one too, where Islam is concerned, tolerance is a
one way street.
In my otherwise fruitless search I did come across
this article by Peter Tatchell which sums the situation up rather well.
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And you won't get elected - 'that's tough'
I see the
Blithering Camoron has called on his party to back him or they won't get elected. Camoron told the Telegraph
he did not want to offend the party's core voters but if people did not like the change of direction, then
"that's tough". "What I say to traditional Conservatives is that we have lost three elections in a row," he
said in an interview with the Daily Telegraph.
You are missing a significant point here. Maybe your MPs might back whatever it takes to get elected
because, like you, they only give a shit about power. Maybe there are a lot of old blue rinse ladies and retired
colonels and Daily Express readers who will back you because to them backing the Conservative party is almost a
religion and they would never contemplate anything else. But most of us do not give a shit about the Tory party,
all we want is a party that delivers, at least slightly more than the other parties anyway, the policies that
we want, and you are offering a crock of shit that combines the very worst of the other two parties and further, since
the Labour Party seems to have learnt one or two lessons, your Tory party is an even bigger crock of shit
I would far rather vote for John Reed as PM than you.
I would rather vote for {He Whom It Would Be Morally Justifiable To Stab Although I Am Not Personally
Calling For His Stabbing} than you. Damn it, I would even rather vote for Gordon One Eyed Scottish Cunt Brownstuff
than you. You are the biggest waste of bloody space that the Tory party has ever inflicted on itself and I suspect
many think likewise.
Carry on the way you are going, just see if you can get a majority in a three way fight for the
working class, "working" class and immigrant votes with Labour and the Lib Dems because many of the rest of us
who might once have thought it remotely worthwhile voting for your shitty party are bailing out.
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This week's silly awards
Not a blog but this is very silly.
I have mentioned this one before. He does not get any comments, but I think that is because his
comment thing does not work. Either that or he gets no other comments and simply does not approve mine
because I have offended him. This is no surprise, as we on bloggoth, having all the social skills of
a dung beetle on LSD, manage to inadvertently offend almost everyone and are fast running out of Blogs
on the net that we are allowed to comment on. Nevertheless
Nobody's Friend is the only blog that make us laugh and we have almost no sense of humour.
If you do not find it funny there must be something seriously wrong with you.
I have mentioned this chap before, although it's a different blog, but I think
this is supposed to be his, ahem, serious one.
Actually, it is not so much silly as wierd. Why does the net bring up millions of pages of Dobbsheads?
What is the Church Of The subgenius? So that's who the little dead girl is!
Disclosure
I see the idea of a law in the UK to
disclose whereabouts of known paedophiles
will not go away.
How about considering the main purpose of detention, which is to protect the public. If the assault
was a serious one against children outside the family and the offender is considered to still represent a
significant risk, why is he being released at all?
The main issue for me here is not vigilantism against the serious offenders (tough!) but against
completely innocent people who may be mistaken for them. Not just attacks either, if a neighbourhood has been
allerted to a paedophile in the area, I would not like to be a guy who just happens to fit the general
description, people looking at you sideways in the pub, peering at you from their windows every time you walk by.
Targetted disclosure? Do me a favour! If a mother finds out about a paedophile in the area practically everyone
in the neighbourhood will know by the end of the week. It's worse than publishing photos as it puts more
people under suspicion. "He's a short middle aged balding bloke apparently"
Beware of the perve signs
Naturally I am wasting my time here. Not just the present proposals but eventually something like a
full Megan's Law will go ahead. After all, it would meet all the criteria required for a UK law.
- It sounds great as a response to headlines in the Daily Mail
- It will have a negligible or adverse impact on the problem being tackled
- It will adversely effect many innocent people
- It will increase beurocracy and hence the need for beurocrats
- It is yet another law, and we all know we can never have too many of those
I think what is needed therefore is to look at some ways to mitigate the risks presented to innocent
men, especially us middle aged scruffy sorts who drive white vans and look like paedophiles anyway.
We need some sort of official badge with an anti-copying device that we can get from the police and wear to certify we are
not known padophiles. I initially thought of a nice little badge with something like "Certified NOT a paedophile".
But in the week the TV news showed some of those moronic anti-paedophile protesters in Portsmouth so I
started to design something that the typical attacker would understand:
But I had to give up on that. Covering all the combinations, even assuming that they could spell 'NOT' and
'a' left me with a badge that dragged on the ground and weighed 3 kg. Even then it would be no good unless
translated into Punjabi and the 100 or so other languages our enriched society has blessed the average urban
area with. It was a big assumption that a typical attacker could even read at all.
So it had to be visual. We could also use something along the same lines, without the negative obviously,
as a road sign near an offender's residence.
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I did think of just taking the existing Home Zone sign... | |
...and changing it slightly but the similarity could
cause confusion. | |
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Here it is, the internationally recognised beware of the pervert sign.
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And the badge for innocent men living in the area to avoid any more tragic cases of mistaken identity.
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What I would say about road charging if I could be arsed
But others have already said what needs saying, ALMOST as well as I could.
PC Bloggs and
Ranting Stan
Religion was conning people even earlier than we thought!
Pythons were probably the first idols to be worshipped by man, archaeologists said after unearthing
evidence of a ritual dating back
70,000 years.
A rock shaped like an enormous python’s head, discovered in a cave in the Tsodilo hills of Botswana, puts back the date of the first known human ritual by 30,000 years, they say.
Behind the rock, which was covered in man-made indentations, was a chamber that the archaeologists
believed was used by a shaman who could have spoken without being seen, giving the impression that
it was the snake speaking.
HIV - what is the true financial cost, really?
I am very confused here.
Last night the BBC news covered the epidemic of AIDS in India and we were told that
generic drugs being produced there could keep a child healthy for around £55 a year. Allowing for the fact that
they will need higher doses as they grow, around £15,000 over a lifetime would seem ample.
Here it says £30 per month
will treat three childen in a developing country, around twice as high but in the same ballpark. On the other hand
this US study tells
us an HIV patient costs £200,000 over a lifetime, with 70% of that being due to the cost of the drugs.
Bit of a difference there.
Nice if the first figure is nearer the truth as in total there are
15,750 Black Africans with HIV in the UK. If the latter cost is correct, just
the new cases in African migrants last year alone will end up costing us over 600 million quid.
Maybe this is yet another case where the UK, being a supposedly rich country, is simply ripped off,
so these migrants are far more expensive to treat just by reason of being here.
Compensation for slavery?.
Seems to me we may be paying it already.
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Just to even things up
Just a reminder that Islam is not the only problem belief in the world.
Check out these "Christians". A lot of us do not agree with the war in Iraq, but to
demonstrate at the funerals of dead soldiers, especially in such terms, is something else.
What a bunch of utter scumbags. With a bit of luck some of the families and friends of those soldiers will
be sending them back in body bags.
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The pretence of consultation
Like many I do most things on the internet now, book holidays, get insurance, buy goods, pay bills,
renew my car tax, and submit boring government forms. Got my car tax on the internet last week. Government
at all levels is actually pretty competent at this sort of thing now, so what is their excuse for not taking
net usage to the next logical level with direct consulation of the people?
Yes, I know there have been a few token efforts at letting people post opinions on Minister's websites like
Milliband's famous failure but those are simply dishonest pretences and the reason it attracted so much
abuse and derision was because most knew it was. I don't blame him for removing abusive remarks,
but it looks like most dissenting voices get removed as well. If you don't believe that, take a look at
the responses on that blog of Milliband's. Those largely supportive, favourable and often downright
friendly remarks are a true cross section of public opinion? I don't beeeeelieve it!
Why not have a proper securely registered system of net-based polls on major issues, administered by an
independent body with publication of results? Better than polls of a few hundred people in Basingstoke
anyway. Why not actually start to give us real democracy and take some account of what the populace think
on major issues?
It will never happen. Governments find obscure polls that do not suit their agenda easier to ignore or
dismiss as
commissioned by organisations with their own political agenda or
quote in their support with no mention of bias or the fact that they are based on a survey
of under 160 people.
Don't be fooled by these token public consultations, government will never use new technologies to
extend democracy, only to extend buerocracy and the state's malignant power.
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Personal tragedies
Tragic news this week that the young son of The Right Hon. Gerald Black
suffers from a wart on his knee. This very private man insisted that it was purely a family affair
that was leaked by a newspaper and had nothing whatever to do with winning sympathy for his bid
to be PM or to distract attention from certain allegations that are surfacing about
cash for honours.
Meanwhile the opposition leader, Mr Darrel Macaroon, said he sympathises as his own young son
has dandruff. "My son suffers from dandruff" he says "and I think that fact makes
me more understanding of the heartbreak faced by many parents whose children suffer from dandruff, like
my son, and even more determined, if I become PM, to help children with dandruff, like my son,
to lead as normal a life as possible. I would say it the duty of all of us to help these children
with dandruff, like my son".
Mr Macaroon denied that he would ever dream of using the issue to attract the sympathy vote and enhance
his own bid to be PM.
"It is tragically true that my son suffers from dandruff" he said "but the attention my
son's tragic dandruff has received is just
down to the intrusive media, I never had any intention of revealing that my son tragically has dandruff at all,
my son's dandruff, tragic though it is, is a private matter and I would rather that the tragic news of my
son's dandruff had not been leaked"
"My son's dandruff is an entirely personal tragedy" he added.
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Improving religion
The problem with religion is that much of the fun is postponed to the post mortem. A lifetime of
piety and clean living seems a small price to pay for an eternity in paradise but what if the
latter all turns out to be what it probably is, a fantasy initially woven to ease men's fear
of the coming darkness that got promoted as just another tool of those after earthly power and glory?
Like a light turned off, is there a brief instant of afterglow in a man's life? a moment
hanging there in nothingness, when you grasp the finality of the coming extinction and regret all that
abstention from perfectly harmless natural acts and go "Oh bugger!"?
I think I shall start my own religion with a bit more fun in it. That way I can have my cake and eat it.
No point re-inventing the wheel, I could borrow bits of other religions that suit and modify them
as necessary. Or better yet, provide a consultancy to religions on ways to improve their appeal,
then I could join one of those.
Take Islam for example. What is the absolutely worst thing about this religion?
No, it isn't suicide bombers or cutting off thief's hands or beheading people for being Christian,
much worse than that! That's right!! Bending down praying in the mosque with your nose less than a foot
from the arse of the bloke in front! It wouldn't take much to improve this aspect of the faith,
just have mixed prayer meetings with alternate rows of men and women. With my nose a foot (or better
0mm) from the arse of the woman in front I could happily pray for hours and my place in heaven would be assured.
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Old style Islam. Nose just inches from an Arab bloke's bum! No wonder that poor little kid is desperately
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New style Islam at a mosque in London after implementation of changes recommended by the Bloggoth
Religious Advisory Board. | |
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The Middle East crisis under our bird table
Being in serious mood (i.e foul) this weekend I had written a thing on the Israel/Hamas ceasefire
expressing teensy weensy doubts that it would hold for long when the missiles
are already flying into Israel and was going to finish it off and post it. On the other hand, about
5 million other bloggers have probably said exactly the same thing by now and I don't have much time
as going to bed soon - got to get up at 5.30 tomorrow morning.
Also, I had this great picture I took of earthworms when I lifted a slab under our bird table.
Needless to say I replaced it very carefully. Nobody except me is interested in earthworms but who reads this
anyway?
Let's see, Palestinians or Earthworms?, Earthworms or Palestinians?
No contest really is it? Here you are. Needless to say they all have names beginning with w, just like wasps.
PS. Earthworms also don't break ceasefires before they are a day old, hijack airliners or encourage young
children to blow up civilians. And all those little tunnels
- that's what the little worms do to make an honest living out of the little that nature has given them,
I expect very few of them are for smuggling weapons from Egypt while living off the charity of the EU.
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Where have all these extra people come from?
I have a very small collection of old books, the oldest being "The Whole Book Of Psalmes" of 1625.
Much more recent and actually very readable, The Science of Life (1930) by H G Wells, Julian Huxley and
G.P Wells. According to one Professor Carr-Saunderson in what was then the major work on human population,
the population of the earth, then 1,700 million, was growing at a rate of 1% per annum.
It's a simple calculation, 76 years later we should have a population of 3,621 million.
According to
the world popclock projection , it actually stands at:
6,559,281,294
Sorry, I meant 6,559,281,380
Sorry, I meant 6,559,281,494
Sorry, I meant 6,559,281,526
Sorry, I meant 6,559,281,585
Sorry, I meant 6,559,281,614
Sorry, I meant 6,559,281,641
Sorry, I meant 6,559,281,702
Oh sod it! I give up!.
The point is, the rate has been nearly double at over 0.18%. What's surprising about that? I hear my
non-existent readers cry, better nutrition and healthcare in much of the world means the rate is bound to
be accelerating. Yes indeed, and for the same reason it seems very unlikely that life expectancy was much higher
in the past and has now fallen back to almost 1930 levels. You see, the funny thing is that that
site is working on not much more than the 1% rise per annum assumed by the professor. On their figure
we would still only have 3,653 million people.
It is obvious what has been going on. We have been invaded by some 2,906 million people from outer space
and they are trying to cover it up.
Update: It seems from this that world population
growth has in fact dropped from a peak of around 2% in 1960. Huh! They are not fooling me. I know figures fiddled by
aliens when I see them.
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What a fucking idiot!
The Blithering Cameron, who has endorsed
the absurd concept of relative poverty.
In the past we used to think of poverty in absolute terms - meaning straightforward material deprivation. That's not enough. We need to think of poverty in relative terms - the fact that some people lack those things which others in society take for granted.
Given current levels of wealth, where life at the bottom admittedly can be pretty grim,
it is not the statement as such I disagree with
but the lack of any sort of qualification. Had he said
that those prepared to make a reasonable effort commensurate with their abilities should have a share
of society's wealth I would not have objected. We cannot all be CEOs or even not terribly successful
IT contractors and if a cleaner is just prepared to get up and go to work like the rest of us I have no problem
with some of my tax helping to pay for a reasonably comfortable life.
But he made no such qualification. Therefore, it seems we are to put up with more incentive destroying
redistribution where the feckless leech off the rest of us by enjoying all their rights while not attempting to
perform their share of the nation's duties and obligations.
I think we must now be the only nation in Europe
without any possibility of electing a genuine government of the moderate right that believes in encouraging effort,
wealth generation and low taxation. I can see enormous abstentions and a big rise in the protest vote at the
next election, with major increases for UKIP, the BNP and other fringe parties. It won't do us any good as we
will be landed with one of the two major parties, but at least there will be a tiny satisfaction in telling them
how much we loath them and heartily wish they would all die.
I certainly do not intend to vote for a Tory party led by this wanker and I am so pissed off at the complete
disenfranchisment of half of the voting population that as far as I am concerned he can take his fucking touchy feely
policies and his concern and his so sad disabled child and sod off down one of those holes in the Arctic glaciers he
pretends to be so concerned about.
I also intend to think up some much nastier name than "The Blithering Cameron". Watch this space.
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I know a great little Sushi restaurant in the nuclear research institute
I see that Alexander Litvinenko
was poisoned with radioactive Polonium 210.
How very trendy. In the good old days somebody wanting to poison somebody with a heavy metal might
have used Lead or Mercury. They weren't actually very effective and their much lower atomic weight
cousin Arsenic was a much better bet, but really, a metallic poison from the third row of the periodic
table? How very common! Thallium has been kingpin for some decades, it was used in the UK by Graham Young
in the 60s. Now we have Polonium. What next? A metal of even higher atomic weight would be so chic my dear.
But hang on! Look at this bit of the periodic table! Mercury, atomic weight 80, Thallium 81, Lead 82,
Polonium 84. We have run out of heavy metals! Go left and you are into the precious and generally innocuous
metals, go right and they are not metals at all. What's that? What about Bismuth at 83? Do me a favour, Bismuth
is the Quenton Crisp of the heavy metal world, you give it to your ChiHuaHua to cure dyspepsia.
What is the trendy heavy metal poisoner going to do now? Nothing else for it, we will have to go down
a row to find a decent new heavy metal to poison with. The highest that is (probably) a metal is ununhexium.
Bound to be poisonous down there and highly radioactive too. Perfect! Even more suitable as it was discovered
at The Joint Institute for Nuclear Research, Dubna, Russia.
So all the cutting edge Russian poisoners have to do is set up a trendy Suchi bar at the Institute, tell dissidents
they are forgiven and invite them for a posh meal. Then drop a table napkin into the
cyclatron and ask them if they would be good enough to reach in for it during the 47ms before the uuh decays.
Nobody said being fashionable was easy.
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Two gongs and a funeral
Andy Warhol once famously remarked that one day everyone would be famous for 15 minutes. Fame would be
nice but what we on Bloggoth would rather have is our 15 MINUTES OF ABSOLUTE POWER, a quarter of an hour
in which we could reward those who have served our society and dispose, with no recriminations whatever, of
those who have damaged it.
The TV news had an item on the Northern Ireland assembly tonight after bomb threats and an armed Loyalist gunman
tried to burst in. The item featured three well known men:
The Reverend Ian Paisley. A man loathed by many in England who see him as a loud mouthed ranting religious bigot
who has held back the peace process in Northern Ireland. But has he? I daresay we might have appeared to have made
more rapid progress without Paisley, if you call concessions and fudges on major issues progress that is.
The fact is that he held out for what was an absolute precondition for a lasting settlement, a renunciation of
violence by the IRA. Paisley was someone prepared to state what should have been bloody obvious to all, that the
IRA's protestations of peace were totally incompatible with a simultaneous insistence on holding onto arms.
Gerry Adams. Another man loathed by many in England who see him as a defender of, if not a
senior figure in, a terrorist organisation. Perhaps.
But the fact is that it was only Adam's position with the IRA and his refusal to make
what they saw as unreasonable concessions that allowed him to keep them in the process, no matter how slow the
progress was. No point being Mr Nice Guy if you represent no-one.
I daresay I am in a minority of one but these two are my choice for the Bloggoth knighthoods. Who cares about
motives or character, judge by results and it is often men like that, not the fudgers and compromisers,
who get the results.
The funeral? Well, HE was on too, AS BLOODY USUAL! Is there ever a night he is not parading his insane ego
on our TV screens,
shifty lying eyes going all directions, mouthing meaningless platitudes? Excuse me, I have to stop this for a moment
as I only have 8 minutes of my 15 minutes of absolute power left and I have a phone call to make. "Hello?
Head of No 10 security? It's your absolute ruler here. Operation bloodbath, repeat, Operation Bloodbath"
Ah, that's better, I can enjoy watching the TV news tomorrow when I am an ordinary citizen again.
Such a shame how he turned out really, he had such nice teeth.
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The Gerald Ratner Award For Business Stupidity
Obvious really, it has to be BA for banning employees from wearing religious symbols.
Now they face
widespread condemnation and
threats of a boycott.
I suspect that these boycotts don't have a long term major effect. If BA has the flight they want at the time,
destination and price somebody wants, are they really going to inconvenience themselves by booking another airline?
Provided, that is, that BA have the sense to institute rather more sensible and tolerant policies and not
further damage the poor image this company has in so many people's minds.
Not just in the minds of the religious either. I don't have much time for the pointless rituals of the
religious, they remind me of that Monty Python sketch about the Society For Stacking Things On Top Of Other
Things, but they clearly a) Are important to the individuals concerned and b) In this case, cause no problems
whatever to anyone else. Those being so, I too find BA's actions highly offensive to my own belief in a free
society.
Update: I see on the TV news tonight that BA have revised their policy. Isn't it amazing what a
post on Bloggoth can do? Sorry BA but the coveted Gerald Ratner Award For Business Stupidity cannot be revoked
although with a bit of luck you might not win it next year. I am not holding my breath.
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Minor ammendment to an excellent cartoon
Those pictures of a little
elephant in the womb! All together now! Aaaaaah! How sweet!
Garland in the Daily Telegraph has made great use of the news in conjunction with
revelations that the cost of the Olympics will greatly exceed the original estimates.
Really? Well there' a F* surprise!!!Who would have thought it???
I hope Garland and the DT do not mind me reproducing it here as it has all proper attributions.
I just thought it needed a couple of tiny ammendments.
Garland's excellent cartoon
Ammended version
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I want you to know that I really respect your...
Respect is a greatly over used word. We tell people we have respect for their religion, their political views,
their lifestyle. Why? I think what we usually mean is that if they leave us alone we are perfectly happy to leave them
alone. The word we really want is tolerate but unfortunately telling people you tolerate their religion etc.
makes it sound like they are some sort of vermin you are prepared to put up with. We don't want to give that
impression because we honestly have nothing against their religion etc. so we say we respect it. But
damn it! that sounds like we think there is something admirable about it. The English language is a poor
thing.
I got to thinking about this only because there was an item in the paper about Sikhism. Nobody minds
Sikhs (yet) because they just seem to do their own thing and leave other people alone. When they do campaign
on Sikh issues they do not seem to be ones that intrude on others too much. If they want to kill themselves
riding without crash helmets or burn dead bodies on bonfires what do I care?
So one should respect Sikhism? Why? What is to respect? You read about the religion and it promotes itself
as one of complete rationality. So they never cut their hair, all have the same surnames and cannot leave
home without having six things beginning with K (apart from their hair which also begins with K) on their person?
Rational? It's bloody ludicrous! What if they cannot find one of the things beginning with K, can they substitute
another thing beginning with K? How about a Kellogs Cornflake or a Kraft Cheese slice or a King Kong DVD?
Sure I tolerate Sikhism, I have no problems with Sikhism and as far as can see, British Sikhs generally seem a decent
lot. Just don't ask me to respect their religion.
Maybe the English language needs a new word.
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More hysteria
I see the case of the Chief Constable who suggested that people who have sex with physically mature but underage girls
should not be classed as paedophiles is still on the front page.
Incredible how such a perfectly sensible comment should attract attention let alone comment. On this subject
every shred of rationality or proportionality departs from some peoples' brains. I have seen some suggest
that all cases of sex with children should be treated with the same seriousness, as though a mild grope or
consensual sex with a 15 year old was no different to violent rape of a toddler.
The logical lower limit on grounds of physical harm or on moral/religious grounds (by reason of abnormality)
is puberty. Above that, we have a purely abritrary age limit, based on the assumption that most very young people
may not be able to appreciate the physical risks of sex or handle the emotions involved. Very sensible and
I daresay those who set the limit used their best judgment, but that is all it is, a judgement, and other Western
countries have settled on figures ranging from 13 to 18.
There is an enormous variation in individuals. Some 13 year olds may be far better equipped to cope than some
18 year olds. We have these arbitrary limits for only two reasons, firstly, because if every court case hinged
on proving the maturity or otherwise of the young person involved they would cost several million quid each,
and secondly, so that possible offenders have clear guidance before the event that they are likely to be prosecuted.
Repeat likely. Laws are not some holy writ from god, they are rigidly worded compromises which do not suit
every case and the necessity for and exent of prosecution should be down to the good judgement of the police and
the social services.
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What everybody knows is often crap
I mentioned some time back an opinion
that heroine addiction is not a cause of crime but rather just an excuse for it.
Here is another of those ideas that needs airing because it bears no
resemblance to what "everybody knows". The idea being that, apart from serious neglect or cruelty, the way we
raise our children has little influence on their personalities or behaviour.
As a father of twins I can relate to that; I am sure we raised them the same yet they could
not be more different. Ah! but we know that children from run down estates have the most
problems. QED, poor parenting! We don't know that
is the cause at all - how much is due to inherited factors, poor diet or peer pressure?
I have not read the book but I intend to.
We all imagine that if an idea is held by many, especially when they include some of the brightest and
most educated people in our society that they must be correct. If only. The benefit of unskilled immigration
is one such piece of idiocy. Without going into the whole subject yet again, just look at the "proofs" the
pros will advance such as the Home Office study. They parrot it without understanding that even if you
take the seriously flawed figures at face value the economic benefit is a totally marginal fraction of a percent
and does not begin to compensate for the other self evident problems.
Or how about the once widely held views on the benefits of Communism or Marxism?
Despite the many lessons of the communist block,
the way East Germany fell so far behind the West from the same starting point or
the way China has only started to succeed with the introduction of free market principles, you will still
find intelligent educated people today who see it as the way to go.
Unfortunately,intelligence has never had much to do with wisdom, and I think sometimes the only real
wisdom is to junk the established wisdom, bin the theories and look again at the facts.
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Bloggoth silly award of the week
Lots of stuff on here is pretty silly and some of the humour travels
the pond.
Crime rates plummet across the country
The home office has released official figures confirming what police have been saying for some
time, that all categories of crime have plummeted to record low levels in all areas. Some towns in
the Midlands have seen no crime for over two years and people are starting to go out leaving their doors
open again. The police put this astonishing decrease down to implementation of the Betty Williams initiative.
Betty Williams was the kind eccentric millionairess who, in 2000, became so upset at reading of several
cases of abuse at children's homes that she took it upon herself to send a scented note to every member of staff
at every home in the country with a personal message, Dear x, Please be a sweety and do not fiddle with
the little boys and girls. Love and kisses, Betty, xxx.
When there were no more abuse cases in over a year, the council in Nottingham, a city previously prey to
enormous numbers of drug gang related crimes, promoted the same polite approach. Signs appeared all over the
city appealing to criminals not to commit crimes in the nicest possible way . Typical was this sign in branches
of the Natwest Bank. "It would be really lovely of you if you would not rob this bank. Thank you in anticipation.
Warmest regards. Your Chum Ron, CEO" These measures proved so successful that the scheme was implemented nationwide
with the results we see today.
The Home Secretary said the government was delighted with the success of their initiative. "It is amazing that
in the thousand years that this nation has struggled with the problem of crime, almost all of them under Tory
governments, that nobody had ever thought of this one simple measure, asking criminals nicely if they would stop
offending"
This news has not gone unnoticed abroad. Just five months ago the US government, which has been struggling in vain
with huge waves of illegal immigration from Mexico, put up warmly worded signs appealing to would
be migrants' better nature and set up stands with free coffee and biscuits. So far this kindness has been rewarded
with a 76% drop in detections on that parts of the border.
The only downside seen in the UK is that the police and Judiciary have started to turn to crime as they
have nothing else to do. Last week Sir Ian Blair, head of the Metropolitan Police, was arrested on suspicion
of attempting to supply drugs in Tottenham. It is stated that he had no success as there are now hardly any
drug addicts in North London. Sir Ian was reported by a member of the Yardies, the British branch of which
now runs a charity raising money for sick kittens. The young man told us that he was disgusted by Sir Ian's
behaviour.
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Today's local council news roundup
Eastbourne Council has introduced a new collection service with the provision of skips for unwanted
old people at three of their disposal and recycling depots.
A council spokesman told Bloggoth that this
move had been under consideration for some time as Eastbourne council has a particular problem with
excessive numbers of old people cluttering up the place. This move is likely to be watched with interest
by other councils who have their own particular problems, with children, youths, Muslims, estate agents
or steam train enthusiasts for example.
Naturally, your Bloggoth reporter asked the question that is uppermost in all our minds. Will there be a waste
skip for disposal of cute kittens? "We did consider it" said their spokesman "given that these creatures are
such a menace, but in a recent survey most said they enjoyed using their kitchen blenders for this purpose."
The new disposal service has proved quite popular so far, with small queues of people waiting to dispose of
their unwanted old loved ones. "I really loved mum" one lady told us "but she was getting a bit absent minded
down there, if you know what I mean, and we wanted to buy a new sofa. I think she'll be very happy with
all her old friends in the landfill"
There has been another development today in the ongoing dispute between Edinburgh Zoo and West Lothian
Council, who own all of the zoo's land, over unpaid rental. Today West Lothian council began to enforce
the eviction notice granted by the court last month and has been removing the zoo's animals.
Despite many protests from the public, crushing of those animals which could not be rehomed elsewhere began
today.
A council spokesman regretted the action but said the zoo had not made adequate arrangements to clear their rent
arrears and the land was urgently needed for a new counselling and drug rehab centre for illegal immigrants.
He claimed they had managed to rehouse many of the smaller and less dangerous animals but few were prepared
or able to take on the others. He pointed to the experience of Liverpool council last year when
a pride of lions was given to members of the general public who promised to provide good homes, but as soon as
Christmas was over many of the animals were simply dumped in sacks in the Mersey or abandoned in the city centre.
Several people had been eaten in the Arndale shopping centre.
A giraffe awaits its turn as a male lion is fed into the crusher. The location of the site has
been kept secret to avoid disruption by animal rights campaigners.
There have been fresh calls today for more controls on clampers after an elderly
lady in Chiswick awoke from her nap to find that her pet budgie had been wheelclamped while she was asleep.
"I often doze off in front of the TV with Joey sitting on my shoulder" she told us, "but when I woke up I was amazed
to see he had been clamped. There was a note pinned to the sofa saying he would be released provided I went to Gravesend
and paid a £120 pound release fee. I simply can't afford that out of my pension and little Joey can't move on his own
at all now."
Bloggoth contacted West London Clampers Limited, who act for Chiswick council, about their actions.
"One of our operatives was passing by her window and noted that the budgie was causing an obstruction
on what, since this is a council flat, is council property" said their operations manager "We are sorry
for this lady's financial circumstances but the law is clear. Unless we receive the necessary fee by the due date
further action will be taken and the bird in question could be impounded and crushed."
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Real men laugh in the face of tasers
Predictably different reactions from
Right Wing Howler and
Lenin's Tomb over the
Iranian American student who was tasered for not showing his pass. You can see the video on the second
of those links as I am too lazy to figure out how to include it.
While RWH's blog is vastly more entertaining, think I agree with the latter; maybe there
was a good reason for the initial tasering, we did not really see that, but since there were two or
three of them who should have been able to handle him, to taser him again just because he could or would
not get up seems rather excessive.
At least I did agree until I listened to the video instead of just watching it. (We tend to keep the sound
muted cos the aaah! aaah! Oh yes! yes! is a dead give away to our internet usage when the Missus is watching
Eastenders). Why are so many foreigners from Southern climes, especially those from the Middle East,
so melodramatic? Everything that happens, they are always shouting, wailing, weeping, screaming,
waving their arms to the heavens, rolling on the floor or firing guns in the air.
Not like us PROPER Brits or even PROPER Yanks like John Wayne either. If that chap had been true British
he would have been on that floor going "I say, steady old chap" or "Dash it all, that's deuce unsporting"
or, at worst, "DAMN it all, that bally well hurts, you just stop that right now".
Had he been a proper John Wayne sort of Yank he would have wiped a thin trickle of blood from the left
hand side of his mouth, squared his shoulders, looked those cops steadily in the eye and drawled
"Do your worst".
After listening to that bloke I'm afraid I came totally round to RWH's view. Give him one from
all of us next time chaps.
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Another migrant health threat
It appears that an incurable and hitherto unknown form of elephantiasis has made itself apparent in
certain migrant areas and has started to spread alarmingly among the indiginous population.
This Follicular Elephantiasis infects the sculp, causing the sufferers to shed
enormous flakes of dandruff which can be as big as dinner plates. One man in North London, who preferred not
to be named for fear of being sent to one of the many racism correction units springing up across the country,
told us. "It has been hard getting on the tube in recent years due to the space taken up by African's testicles
but now we have this new problem of wading through great scaly discs. I think I may have caught it myself.
This morning I was reading the paper while eating my breakfast cornflakes when I suddenly realised I started with
Shredded Wheat and hadn't brought a packet of cornflakes in years"
Removing what have been dubbed Piccadilly Line poppadoms has become a major headache for the London tube.
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The migrant health benefit
It is hardly news anymore but I see that The Times has again raised the issue of impact of migrant health
in the UK with news that they
account for 70% of HIV and TB cases.
Thoroughly racist to mention it we thought.
Naturally we at bloggoth will not hear a word against our marvellous migrants who so enrich our society.
If HIV in males is a totally self inflicted disease these days, so what? we should respect their rights and their
colourful customs that involve shagging widows of men who
have died of AIDS.
Who cares if the
lifetime cost of treatment is £200,000 per individual for foreigners who may have contributed nothing
when our own citizens who may have paid tax all their lives have to fight to get funding for
breast or
prostate cancer treatment? What we all deserve for
colonialism in my view, not to mention the crusades.
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A devilish product recall
Comet has been forced to recall more than 2000 toasters after they became possessed by demons in their Birmingham
warehouse earlier this month. Customers were subjected to wierd screeching voices saying "join us" and felt compelled to
thrust their budgerigars and children's fingers into the toast slot. They also complained that the toast tasted of
brimstone and excrement.
The cause of the possession has been traced to an exorcism performed in an adjoining house by a Catholic priest. "I am
sorry for what happened" he told us "but I had to perform a tricky exorcism on a young girl who was really badly
possessed, her head was spinning round on her shoulders like a top, firing projectile vomit in all directions. The demons
kept shouting in horrible boomy echoey sort of voices that they were legion and would not leave but in the end, with god's
grace, I prevailed. I suppose Comet's toasters were the nearest thing to a herd of pigs they could find."
It is only a month since religion forced Comet's last major recall of goods from the same warehouse when a local born again
Evangelist, who had been accustomed to wandering the area with a board warning that "THE END IS NIGH", succeeded in infesting
600 fridge freezers with the Four Horseman Of The Apocolypse.
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The about to break scandal of government contracts
Though our extensive network of underworld contacts Bloggoth has obtained advance information of a scandal about to break
that in its shear scale eclipses anything seen before.
A whistle blower revealed to us today that there had not, to his knowledge, ever been any failures or overspends in government IT
projects, rather, all the deals had been entirely fraudulent and there had never been any serious attempt to supply anything at
all. All the millions or even billions spent have been channeled into the secret accounts of contractors and government ministers.
It appears that equipment seen on site was mostly purchased from recycling companies or charities collecting secondhand computers for
African children, with the better ones being cleaned up to look convincing. "If they were too batterered we covered them with black car body
underseal and told anyone who asked that they had been ruggedised with an electromagnetic radiation resistant coating" our source told us.
Asked about staff seen working, he said that they got in a few Poles and Indians who then spent the day playing computer games, mostly
Packman and Space Invaders as the few computers that worked could not usually run anything requiring a greater spec.
It was only last week that Bloggoth learned that the public's impression of roadworks had been completely accurate for
decades. "We never really did anything at all apart from what the public saw" said our source "we just coned off big sections of
motorway for months on end and then got a few homeless blokes in for 4 quid an hour in to wander up and down in hard hats or stand
around a small hole scratching their heads. At the end of the time we just sprayed a bit of tar over the surface to make it look new.
The big contractors and the top people at the Highways Agency managed to rake off several billion last year."
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Skidmarks may be genuine say scientists
Scientist who were at last given the go ahead by the Vatican last month to test the Turin Loincloth, have carbon dated
the skidmarks and found that they were indeed made early in the first century. This news that the skidmarks could
be those of Jesus Christ has been received with mixed feelings by the church. One cardinal told us "It is good that this
relic may be genuine, unlike the Turin Shroud, but many will not believe that the son of god would have produced skid marks
at all" Others point out that he was made man and it was inevitible that a man subject to such a brutal ordeal would have
skidmarked his loincloth. The controversy is likely to rumble on for years to come.
Scientists planning to carbon date an item found in Medina thought to be the Prophet's crusty sock puppet have fared less well
as their laboratory was blown up by a suicide bomber soon after the news broke. 18 innocent passers-by were
also killed in the blast. A moderate Imam, while denouncing the blasphemy, condemned the violence as an unnaceptable overreaction,
saying 10 innocent passers-by would have been more than adequate. So far only 42 people have been killed in riots.
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Wicked? Not really
It is an intolerant faith that is likely to kill everything that the rest of us understand as freedom
and democracy if it gains any sort of foothold on power in the UK. Those who doubt that should check out just
what legal freedoms there are for non-believers in many Islamic states and just how fast hardline Islamic movements
are growing in the more moderate ones.
But wicked? I never see much point in words like wicked or evil, they are a relic of religious
thinking that impares judgement. One needs nothing more than human nature to explain the nature of humans.
Some say man has a unique capacity for wrongdoing which you do not find in the animal kingdom and it can
only properly be called evil. Crap. The nobility of animals is more likely to be down to their lack of
intelligence and their consequent inability to evaluate.
That noble stag that defeats its rival and immediately breaks off the fight once victory is conceded?
If it could think things through and know that the rival was likely to keep coming back and would take
advantage of any future weakness it would not only pursue it and gore it to death, it would jump up and
down on its head and then, if it was a really bright stag, it would invent the first stag firearm and
blow its brains out.
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This week's silly award
Not sure it could be called a blog but
this is one of many pages on a VERY silly site.
If the Illuminati do not exist we should invent them
I think a lot in the bath. As my non existent readers will realise, I do not think a lot very often.
This time it was about the second acquittal of Nick Griffin. The BBC had an opponent of the acquittal
talking about the travesty of acquitting Griffin when Abu Hamza had been convicted.
Oh come on!! There is no comparison!
In addition to inciting racial hatred, Hamza was convicted on six charges of inciting to murder
and he was not charged immediately as Griffin was, he was warned by MI5 for years that he was "treading on dangerous
ground" with his preaching and chose to take no notice. Let's look at what they said.
Griffin on Islam: "this wicked, vicious faith" and "Muslims were turning Britain into a
"multi-racial hell hole"
Hamza on Jews and others (not just in Israel):
"You have to stab him here and there until he bleeds to death.
Then you can cut up the meat as you like to, or leave it to the maggots. This is the first stage of Jihad."
Hamza on Muslims selling alcohol:
"Make sure that the person who gave him the licence for that wine shop doesn't exist any
more on the Earth. Finish him up. Give him Dawa (inviting non-Muslims to accept the truth of Islam).
If he doesn't respect Dawa, kill him."
This sort of partiality does no favours to any of us and the second trial of Griffin was both partial and
politically motivated. The law and government institutions should be bending
over backwards to be utterly impartial, anything else only stokes resentment. But who is really impartial?
Maybe, since nobody living is, we should breed some people who are. Let's use genetic techniques to create a new
race of people from a bit of every race we can find and isolate them in a huge cave miles underground. Bring them
up with knowledge of science and maths and logic and nothing else. Remove any trace of personality by drugs or
lobotomy or by giving them Geoff Hoon's DNA and then let them pronounce on every human conflict. A great side effect
would be that we could get rid of politicians and lawyers.
The New Illuminati council dispensing their unassailable
wisdom yesterday.
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The green solution to global warming
A scientific study group has published the results of its research into methods to combat greenhouse emissions
and some may be introduced into law as early as the next parliament.
One of the most controversial is the introduction of symbiotic algae into the skins of human beings. The way
that algae coexist with fungi within lichens is well known and the scientists plan to use genetic modification techniques to
modify these algae to live within human tissue and also to modify our cells to accept them. The scientists say
that this is well within the scope of current knowledge. As green plants, the algae will absorb CO2 released
by our own respiration.
Opponents of the scheme are worried, not just about the long term health effects of such modifications but
also about the as yet unspoken issue - if we are to get the most from these algae they will need maximum sunlight
and therefore legislation will be introduced requiring us to be largely unclothed on sunny days.
A scientist called these concerns backward looking. "Our planet is at stake" he told us "and this plan
represents one way we can make a real difference. According to our calculations a nude lichenised John Prescott
could replace almost seven acres of rain forest"
|
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|
|
Two of the volunteers for the pilot study in Swansea today. The study director admitted
that the results had not been entirely conclusive as over the two years the trial had been going
there had been no bright sunshine. |
|
|
 |
|
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John Prescott arrives in the commons today to argue in favour of the scheme.
A spokeman denied that he had personally been lichenised, it was just his normal colour,
he told us. Despite their best efforts doctors have been unable to prevent the spread of
decay from his brain. |
|
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Ways round the veil problem
I see that
Muslim women have been allowed to wear the veil in court.
I think the fuss about the veil thing has been rather overdone.
It should certainly not be permitted for witnesses because, after all, when juries need
to judge the truthfulness of all participants, that could result in injustice, but for lawyers? Not sure, I suppose
it all depends on whether the job really is impeded. People should be prepared to make sacrifices for their
religion but I see no reason why employers, clients and and others should be expected to do so.
If people cannot hear what devout Muslim ladies are saying, surely that can be easily rectified by
technology? Just stick a microphone inside the Hijab and strap a couple of loudspeakers on the outside.
But what about Muslim cleaning ladies, say, whose employers cannot understand them and cannot afford such
a solution? Just cut a hole in the Hijab and then strap on a large yoghurt pot with a hole in the other
end of the pot sufficient to allow conversation. The pot hides the erotic insides of the mouth and prevents
any unseemly lust.
Solutions for all income groups, right, for the Hijab wearer with money, left for the less fortunate or downright mean.
Correction: Apparently Hijab is the head scarf, the niqab is the face veil. Hijabs, niqabs, bejabbers, it's all
bollox. According to Muslims themselves,
including Egypt's religion minister the niqab is a Bedouin tradition and not required by Islam. The fuss in the UK and elsewhere is simply
about militants creating a political issue in order to challenge our society.
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Hurry up and do your duty
Look, this is not that complicated. The PM gets to look at all the proposals for peerages in advance.
As leader of his party it is inconceiveable he is not informed of the identity of the major donors.
Let's see, list 1. Nominations for peerages, Lord Lefty Moneybags. List 2. Major donors to the Labour Party,
Lord Lefty Moneybags. Oh, I never knew anything about it!!!
The bastard is guilty! Hurry up and arrest him! Then, when he is convicted (let's "fast track" that shall we?
all in favour of guilty, say aye! aye!!!!!!!!!) we can bung him in a prison near Birmingham or Blackburn with
lots of nice young Muslim men.
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Serious issues
It's a worrying world, talk of terrorism lasting a generation, an undeclared war with Islam, nuclear
proliferation among unstable countries, the dire threat to our planet from global warming, massive immigration
threatening our way of life, globalisation sending our jobs to India and China and a serious shortage of energy
putting us at the mercy of Russia. We at bloggoth are never afraid to tackle the serious issues that face us.
Like, why do people always stand in totally stupid places??? Went to get a ticket in the car park this morning
and two women were standing chatting in the narrow break in the metal barriers so I had to go 'excuse me' to get past.
When I had got my ticket and wanted to go back to the van they were still standing there. It is nearly always
women or old people, chatting right in shop doorways or while blocking the narrowest parts of the
pavements they can find with pushchairs, completely oblivious to others having to step out into the traffic to
get past.
There are times like this I would love to have the jawbone of an ass to smite them with. There is something
very fitting about smiting with the jawbone of an ass and it is totally legal under ancient law. You can kill as
many people as you like, but provided you do it with the jawbone of an ass the law can't touch you.
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More breaking news
Meanwhile, in another effort to combat greenhouse gasese, the Ford Motor Company has been chosen
by the government from among a number of major car manufacturers to research the modification of catalytic
converters to be fitted to the rear end of cows. A spokeman for the company declared that, as pioneers in
cleaning up emissions, they were confident that they could meet all the challenges of the new task.
The Vatican has issued a sternly worded refutation after a hitherto little known sect of Christians, which has nevetheless been growing rapidly in parts of South America and Africa, published a reinterpetation of part of the Bible.
In this new version, the Blessed Trinity of God The Father, God The Son and God The Holy Ghost is in fact a Blessed Septimity, encompassing an entire family of God Thes with not just father and son but also a wife, daughter, cat and dog.
Moreover, the Holy Ghost is not a ghost but should properly be called God The Pet Budgie.
This new challenge to religious orthodoxy follows only a week after an obscure Islamic sect claimed that the
Koran had been misinterpreted and that Muhammed was not one man but actually four Lesbian ladies called George.
So far only 73 have been killed in riots.
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WHO's a clever boy then??
Found on Right Wing Howler's blog
The Guardian has pictures from the PROBA satellite.
The software to request images (creates the file specifying what images, resolution, wavelength etc.) and to process the images
that come back from the satellite was written by yours truly.
What a total genius I am. And handsome and wise and athletic too. I have to stop now and go and shag myself.
PS. I am still owed £1500 for the last bit of work, and a couple of weeks ago I found out from the auditor's report
I am unlikely to get it. The auditor's report was basically.
| Assets: | £4.5 million |
| Less Auditor's fees: | £9.6 million |
| ------------ |
| Available for creditors: | (£5.1 million) |
Time for the trigger in the image request software I think. Better duck!
News round up
In the wake of news that a local hospital authority planned
to open an animals clinic there has been more controversy over the way that government bodies, despite record level of taxation,
are simultanously reducing services and attempting to raise cash by selling goods and services that the public have already paid for.
On the M4 yesterday motorists were surprised when a Motorway sign that should have been displaying "QUEQUE AHEAD SLOW DOWN" was
actually displaying "HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID". "I thought it was a lovely idea" said his girlfriend Trish Evans, "and The Highways Authority
only charged me £50 under their introductory offer"
A man of 24, named as David Reece of Swansea, was killed when he ploughed into the back of stationary traffic while gazing up at the
sign. Police said he died on the way to hospital. They had no information as to whether, prior to the crash, he had had a happy birthday.
A cost cutting scheme in Swansea has attracted particular criticism. Under the scheme the council no longer supplies any public services, instead,
these must now be provided by ratepayers on a rotating basis. Wealthier residents have been obliged to open their swimming polls to
the public, local scout groups have ben obliged to double as traffic wardens and some householders close to town centres have been
particularly incensed at having to provide public toilet facilities.
An elderly man we spoke to had been designated as one of the 50 in the city to provide a public library
service. "My wife and I are not great readers" he told us, "but I like to think I am public spirited and I had
spent £30 out of my pension buying paperbacks at the British Legion bookstall and we had some really good stuff,
Barbara Cartland, Mickey Spillane, that sort of thing, but this chap we had was really rude about them, just because
we didn't have The Decline Of Western Civilisation. My poor wife was in tears as she had worked so hard to make
our front room into a proper public library, she had even gone out of her way to get hold of some leaflets on how to
claim benefits in Punjabi and Urdu"
There have been fresh calls for relaxation of statute law that obliges equal treatment of those with disability
after a man with severe Tourerettes syndrome was appointed Officer In Charge Of Public Works of Swansea Council earlier
last year. Elderly residents have been particularly upset by signs that have gone up in public libraries "Please respect
others and shut the fuck up you arseholes" and in swimming pools such as "No cunting non-swimmers past this tit wanking point".
This latest incident has again raised the subject of the suitability for office of those with mental aflictions.
A Spokeman for John Prescott has recently defended his ability to perform the role as deputy prime minister after the
leaked result of a medical examination showed that he has an IQ of 73.
Another case has come before an employment tribunal over the extent to which religious freedom should be permitted
to infringe on ability of a person to do his/her job.
A member of an obscure Christian sect, the Martyrs of St Graham, took her case to a tribunal today after
she was sacked from a Catholic school when she insisted on her right to conduct the class in accordance with
her religious principles which are based around the visions that St Graham had after being buried alive by Ottoman soldiers.
Ms Freeman insisted on conducting her science class from inside a cupboard by shouting at pupils through the keyhole.
The school maintains that this unorthodox mode of tuition impeded her ability to teach effectively and
left the next class with the task of putting all the equipment back in the cupboard before they could
begin their lesson.
Bloggoth attempted to interview Ms Freeman today to get her side of the story but gave up when we could not make out
what she was shouting at us through a knothole from beneath her garden shed.
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More Nasal crap
I see the Nasal Whining Livingstone is now in Cuba preening his lefty ego at the Londoner's expense as usual.
He really has no business to be making
these comments,
it isn't his job.
That said, I agree with him. I was actually thinking of making a very similar comment in the
moustache post below before he made his (see how everyone copies from bloggoth!), but thought the similar one
about Assad was sufficient. I would go further. With proper handling, Cuba may have been brought into the US
sphere at the outset.
There is nothing wrong with putting one's nation first and perhaps one could applaud US policy if it was more
effective but from the Iranian coup to Cuba to Iraq, it often turns into a disaster. One cannot help feeling
that if they put just some of the money they spend on countering "the bad guys" into bringing the bad guys round
to their side it might sometimes work better. Something must be wrong when, viewed from the outside, the best
and most effective presidents they ever had for foreign policy look like Nixon (Vietnam, China) and Reagan
(Russia, Libya). It is a pity such a great nation is mostly led by such total arseholes. Kennedy should have been
shot a bloody sight earlier in my view. Like Blair with infidelity and even more teeth.
Still, the Yanks are hardly alone. Looking at the corrupt shitrags we get in the UK and
Europe, if the US governments were not so awful they would be unique. A very superficial comparison maybe, but
it also looks like the US electorate have much the same awful choices as we do in Europe, between politically
correct overtaxing wasters and a bunch of socially intolerant backwoodsmen. The only thing the two have in common
is that business (and themselves) always comes first while the voter's concerns on issues like immigration,
once the inconvenience of the ballot is out of the way, are ignored.
PS. That is not quite true of the UK now of course. We now have a choice between two lots of politically
correct overtaxing wasters who will ignore the electorate.
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Sentence
So SH is sentenced
to be hung. There are many times when things have to be done and death results. But when the necessity is over?
Judicial death sentences have no place in civilised society. That is all I have to say.
It's the moustache stupid
I see that nice Mr. Saddam is to be sentenced today. Many people in history have been
responsible for the deaths of thousands, although some, like Napoleon, did not deliberately
use barbarity as a means to their ends, at least not judged by the standards of their time. I have no doubt
that Saddam is guilty. The evidence is right in front of us. Look at these men:
| | | |
| Attila The Hun. According to Wikipedia he is remembered as the epitome of cruelty and rapacity. |
 |
Genghis Khan. According to Wikipedia a ruthless, bloodthirsty conqueror |
 |
| Josef Stalin. Probably a total of about 3 million victims |
 |
Adolph Hitler. Six million victims (or just a handful according to the chap a bit further down) |
 |
| Castro "Thousands killed". 40 to 50 thousand political prisoners |
 |
Saddam Hussein. Over 600,000 civilian executions |
 |
| President Assad of Syria |
 |
Imadinnerjacket of Iran |
 |
That's right! they all have moustaches! More to the point, the very worst, Stalin and Hitler have the
stupidest looking moustaches! In numbers of atrocities, Castro and Saddam, with smaller and less silly
moustaches are really quite benign in comparison.
The two at the bottom do not really fit with the others. President Assad because, although he heads a
repressive regime with many reported human rights violations, is not by any means a total loony and
could probably be a moderating force in the Middle East if only America was ever governed by
somebody with more sense and diplomatic skills than an Aspergers Hyena. You will note he has a small
neat moustache that is hardly silly at all.
Imadinnerjacket also does not fit the bill because, despite clearly being a total nut job like most
adherents of his religion, he has not YET done anything at all. This is because his moustache is only
bordering on silly. Be warned! It it starts creeping up the side of his nostrils so that he looks like
Slimy Binliner, there will be an imminent danger that he will nuke Israel!
Some will say that my moustache theory of megalomania is unconvincing as it omits other notorious tyrants and butchers like Mao Tse Tung, Pol Pot or president Roy Orbison of North Korea.
Actually no, they fit the pattern. Their lack of stupid moustaches was/is down to the well known fact that
orientals cannot grow luxurient facial hair but my research has established that all of them really
wanted huge and stupid moustaches and it was this desire that shaped their natures. Bloggoth has
obtained this copy of a portrait that Mao had done of himself showing him with the moustache he always
longed to have.
Mother Theresa hardly had a moustache at all and she was really nice.
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xoggoth helps to halt three hundred million years of evolution
I am really really sorry (no, not for insults to Muslims this time, you obsessive repressive
regressive plonkers) but
for my small contribution to halting the advance of life throughout the universe.
Just a few items back I reported on the way that disabled animals seem
to cope in nature. I'm afraid this is complete crap; the fact is, if I am honest, is that it is me and
totally barking nature freeks like who me are helping things to cope that really should be extinction fodder.
I mentioned an old partially blind sparrow that seems to be surviving ok in our garden. Today I was sitting
on our garden seat chewing the fat with family and what should appear but another younger sparrow
with similar behaviour. I filled a bird feeder while it sat gormlessly munching seed on the other six inches
away. Either it feels safe because it is intelligent enough to recognise a total dipstick who is no
longer even prepared to squash mosquitoes (and would probably agonise over whether threadworms have a right
to existence if the need arose) or, more likely, it is totally retarded.
How do such animals survive in
nature, red in tooth and claw? Because morons like me are feeding them that's why!. We are providing sheltered
accomodation, the equivalent of the welfare state, for creatures that should be going the way that Darwin
ordained. Yeh! I am pathetic! If I was Bill Oddie there is no way I could end "Autumn watch" wondering if
that rejected seal cub would survive the night. I would be out on that beach with a blanket, a hot water
bottle, milk, buttered toast and some salt and vinegar crisps making sure it did. I would probably read
it a bedtime story to help it forget its troubles and take it a teddy bear so it felt less lonely too.
Fortunately, as an undiagnosed psychopath, I have no such impulses with regard to my
fellow man, most of whom are an impediment to the lifestyle I would like. But I know a man who does, or know of
many in fact, and the long term effects of those on our species may be dire. We look at the birth rate of
the inadequate and economically ineffectual and compare it to that of the able who frequently postpone
their own families until they have the lifestyle they want. These facts about birth rates were probably
always true to some extent but in bygone ages, starvation and disease redressed the balance. Now these
balances no longer apply. Ah, but we are told that the children of the dim are always brighter than their
parents. Is this reality or just political correctness? The fact is that we see no social evidence of it.
The children of inadequate dependent problem families grow up as inadequate dependent problems. Not to worry,
Shane and Tracy, the welfare state will always provide. Have some more kids, not as though you have
anything else to do.
Idiots like me are probably breeding a race of hunchback moronic half-blind sparrows. Maybe that's
nothing compared to what the idiocy of much too available welfare is doing to the western world.
Shane the dimwitted sparrow is photographed from about two feet away having a short rest in the Leylandii
before returning to the welfare table.
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